Seen "S Club 7 in Miami?" The U.K.'s TV export now shown on Fox Family? Then you know about the seven wretchedly attractive Brit-teens who are virtually stranded at a run-down Miami resort, forced to scrub picnic tables, realize life lessons and conquer the music industry by performing a pop hit at the beach bar. It's "Real World" meets "The Monkees," and a smash over there. Too bad, then, S Club 7's recorded debut fails miserably in the absence of moving pictures.
Imagine an even tinnier Spice Girls -- except with boys. While "Two in a Million" and "You're My Number One" are tolerable top-40 tripe, the rest is little more than teen-pop karaoke, aided by manager Simon Fuller (Spice Girls) and the nimble songwriting of the forgotten tin-princess Cathy Dennis. "S Club Party" bounces to a refrain of Naughty by Nature's "Hip Hop Hooray." It's the stuff of sick dreams.