Movie: The Longest Yard

The Longest Yard
Length: 1 hour, 49 minutes
Studio: Paramount Pictures
Release Date: 2005-05-27
Cast: Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds, William Fichtner, James Cromwell
Director: Peter Segal
Screenwriter: Sheldon Turner
WorkNameSort: The Longest Yard
Our Rating: 2.00

This remake of the 1974 film The Longest Yard – with Adam Sandler in Burt Reynolds' role of a convicted football superstar – follows the film formula du jour: There are lots of sight gags (like the endless exploitation of one prisoner's big, fat, ripe-as-tripe belly and matching ass crack) and no shortage of idiot characters to laugh at (including Rob Schneider, reprising his famous "You can do it" line from Sandler's The Waterboy). What's missing is any real sense of drama; gone is the build-up of the fallen hero's reclamation of his honor via his grit and loyalty to his downtrodden team members. And the tension between Sandler and warden James Cromwell never goes beyond the mild threats they toss back and forth. As the jail's pipsqueak procurer, Chris Rock is always fun to watch, even if his dialogue sounds like a medley of his stand-up monologues. Saddest of all, they brought back Burt Reynolds to play the coach, allegedly a Heisman-winning long-timer who's been waiting for the chance to play a game against the guards. How many times can we watch Reynolds – who still looks good, if not virile – standing on the sidelines, acting pissed and saying, "Oh, shit," as his team gets creamed? As many times as Sandler and his director Robert Aldrich want us to. Making schlocky box-office hits is their game.


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