Weekend Ahead Jan. 16-18



Protest: the great American art form! No matter what horrible abuses of people and resources we permit, at least we stand tall and declare that we donâ??t like doing it. With the circus coming to town, it seems pretty obvious what the protest du jour will be. But who wants to be obvious? Here are three less offensive events you can protest and have fun doing it.

Classic Albums Live: Fleetwood Macâ??s Rumours

How dare Fleetwood Mac subject our sensitive and innocent ears to the dissonance of their internal relationship squabbles? (How dare Fleetwood Mac ever subject us to anything after Peter Green left?) They swore they were going their own ways and I donâ??t want to know what they did after that. But here is Classic Albums Live, breaking the chain of absence and dredging up all that secondhand news again. How to protest: Go with your dreams and then never go back again. (7:30 p.m. Friday at Hard Rock Live; $20-$30; 407-351-5483)

The 13th Sign: Facts vs. Myths of Astrology

Those damn scientists are always trying to ruin our perfectly good myths with their facts. Everyone knows darkness comes as Horace battles Set, eventually defeating him and restoring light to the world. The bumps on my head tell me â?? and my sanguine humors concur â?? that these scientists need to stay the hell out of our business. How to protest: Go perfectly representing your star sign. Scorpios, please sit next to me. (8:30 p.m. Saturday at the SCC Planetarium, 100 Weldon Blvd., Sanford; $6; 407-708-2360)

Night of the Nightwolf: The Hand Awareness Telethon

People got their panties all in a bunch over the Cleveland Indians mascot, but no one is righteously pissed off about the debasement of the poor, stereotyped nightwolf. These proud nocturnal animals once freely roamed this land, in accord with the Earth, peacefully feeding on the flesh of her inhabitants. Now our vice-presidential candidates want these beasts shot from helicopters, and a local comedy troupe has named themselves after them in an effort to raise awareness of hands. How to protest: Boo any time they mention their name. Laugh at everything else. (9 p.m. Saturday at Stardust Video & Coffee; free; 407-623-3393)

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