sweet dreams are made of corn




High fructose corn syrup is tired of being blamed for obesity and diabetes and mercury poisoning. Solution: Eliminate the stuff? No, silly: new name. Meet "corn sugar."

"Corn sugar," of course, sounds wholesome and friendly, like wheat germ or bee pollen. But we all know HFCS is a lab-created Frankenfood, supported by farm subsidies, corporate welfare and Americans' zombie-like craving for cheap sweet snacks.

The BF and I had already renamed this super-calorie-fragilistic substance "the dread fruck," but now I think they deserve some new options. So here we go: the Salivation Army Rename Corn Syrup roll call—feel free to add your own HFCS alias in the comments.

(Corn Refiners Association, please feel free to use any of these.)