sweet dreams are made of corn

by

comment

dontdrinkhfcs1jpg

High fructose corn syrup is tired of being blamed for obesity and diabetes and mercury poisoning. Solution: Eliminate the stuff? No, silly: new name. Meet "corn sugar."

"Corn sugar," of course, sounds wholesome and friendly, like wheat germ or bee pollen. But we all know HFCS is a lab-created Frankenfood, supported by farm subsidies, corporate welfare and Americans' zombie-like craving for cheap sweet snacks.

The BF and I had already renamed this super-calorie-fragilistic substance "the dread fruck," but now I think they deserve some new options. So here we go: the Salivation Army Rename Corn Syrup roll call—feel free to add your own HFCS alias in the comments.

(Corn Refiners Association, please feel free to use any of these.)

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Orlando Weekly. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Orlando Weekly, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at feedback@orlandoweekly.com.

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Orlando Weekly Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Orlando Weekly Press Club for as little as $5 a month.