Psst! Hey, kids, c’mere for a second. We’re gonna let you in on a little secret. You listening? Ahem your holiday tunes suck!! They really do, you just don’t know it yet. You think Lea Michele’s cover of Joni Mitchell’s “River” is heartbreaking? Seriously? And we’re sorry, but Justin Bieber’s “Little Drummer Boy” makes us want to parum pum pum pum on his skull for a while. Also, we don’t know who the fuck Jackie Evancho is, nor were we even aware there was such a thing as the Billboard Holiday Albums chart, but we’re not happy she’s on there. That’s why we’re dragging you Tiny Tims and Tamaras to the Bob Carr for this classic night of holiday standards by actual trained professionals like Netherlands native conductor Albert George Schram, the Holiday Singers (who have sung for five U.S. presidents) and the Florida Opera Theatre Youth Program. They’ll perform actual carols like “Let There Be Peace on Earth” and “Silent Night,” along with a couple of fun ones, like “You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch.” Wait, why are you pointing at us? – Justin Strout (2 p.m. and 8 p.m. at Bob Carr Performing Arts Centre, 401 W. Livingston St.; $29-$70; 407-770-0071; orlandophil.org)
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