Friday, March 9 – Dorito Taco Release Party
the Falcon Bar
819 E. Washington St.
free until they run out
We applaud the Falcon Bar for recognizing and commemorating this historic day: the day Taco Bell teamed up with Frito-Lay to openly declare war on your bowels and arteries with a junk-food mashup (ick) of earth-shattering proportions. As the event organizer points out, Taco Bell’s orange-dusted gut-bender is equivalent to the advent of Crystal Pepsi or KFC’s blatantly offensive Double Down sandwich. The Falcon Bar also promises that, for equal-opportunity gross-out, “Vegetarian [tacos] will be available if you’re not into cat meat.” If we know anything about the effects of Taco Bell, you’ll experience your own “release party” when you get home. Better stock up on Febreze, Gas-X and extra toilet paper. – Jessica Bryce Young