If you've already picked up today's hilariously phallic issue of the Orlando Weekly, you may now turn to page 8 to soak in the wisdom of mayoral candidates Buddy Dyer, Phil Diamond, Ken Mulvaney and Mike Cantone. (Or you can check out Happytown™ on this here website). You may have noticed that we didn't include correct answers for the 12 pop quiz questions posed in haste to each hopeful. There's a reason for that: suspension of disbelief, tomfoolery, shoegazing silliness, the amorphous nature of politics when it comes to correctly answering questions, whatever. In the interest of fairness, we figured we'd go ahead and provide you with the correct answers to the questions that actually have correct answers, because, well, the more you know...
1) What is the current millage rate in Orlando. Would you raise it?
5.65! Phil Diamond for the win!
2) A tree is about to fall over outside your house, and it's on the city's part of the property. Who do you call?
Parks department. Phil Diamond and Ken Mulvaney take it! Except public works would probably direct you to them anyway, so we'll let Buddy in on this one, too.
3) Briefly talk about the city's bond series issues in a way that makes it sounds like you know what you're talking about. Is the current level of borrowing sound government?
This one is complicated. Dyer is right about the Triple-A Fitch rating on general obligation bonds, but the other are correct on questioning the downgrading of other bond issues, including those for the Amway Center. Read more here.
4) What was the full building cost of the Amway Center? Was it worth it?
The quoted figure is $480 million – which all of our candidates hovered around – but you can probably trust Dyer and Diamond when they point to overages. After all, they're the ones signing the checks.
5) Is there such a thing as too much development downtown?
ANY ANSWER WILL DO, BUT WE'RE GOING WITH "YES." Oh, matters of opinion. Do you like to say the words "urban infill?" Didn't think so.
6) Recycling bins: What goes in which?
Blue is for newspaper; Red is for plastics, aluminum, etc. Dyer was smug on this one, saying it didn't matter; they take his in either because he's the fucking mayor. Mulvaney and Diamond got it right. Cantone is colorblind, so he gets a pass.
7) What are the specifics of the homeless feeding ordinance?
No more than two feedings in public parks within the space of one year. Everybody got this one, basically.
8.) Exactly what does the term "creative village" mean to you.
It means nothing, though Dyer's tongue twister was pretty amazing. In fact, the meaning has shifted over the past six years to the degree that it now seems more like a Tron soundstage than a place to get coffee and a caricature drawn 24/7. Go figure.
9) Should people be allowed to grow vegetables in their front yards?
According to city staff we reached – after substantial confusion – people are allowed to grow vegetables in their front yards. The "should" in this question leaves no room for an absolute correct answer, but it's fair to say that Mulvaney wants none of this behavior, hippies.
10) Who is your favorite other candidate and why?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Everybody loves Mike Cantone, basically.
11) How would you characterize the relationship between the city and the county in terms of policy?
We were going for spendy wife (city) and spendthrift husband (county) about to get a divorce. That's not really what we got.
12) Extra Credit: Name two of Orlando's sister cities.
You can read all of the unpronouncables here. Dyer wins on this one, obvs.
HOPE YOU HAD AS MUCH FUN AS WE DID! Now, go vote (and not for me, unless it's still 2005).