We’re done here.

Yes, the convention has two more nights to go. Yes, tonight is talking suit Marco Rubio’s moment in the sun. Yes, there’s a hurricane hitting New Orleans right now. Yes, Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney. But we’re not credentialed anyway, and we’ve had our fill of bullshit parties and obsequious glad-handing. Besides, we’ve got real work to do. And—real talk—Tampa is just a shit stain of a city.

So by the time you read this, we’ll be taking the Billy Manes Rolling Ash Tray™ back down I-4, away from this place. A big thank you to our hosts, my cousin Jordan and her boyfriend, Bob, who let us crash at their place and use all their ginger ale for vodka mixers.

And now, some closing thoughts:

• Ybor City, which you’d think would be packed with 50,000 delegates in town, wasn’t. In fact, it was kinda dead last night. Maybe the Republican conventioneers are scared of the Great Unknown, or feel happier and safer inside the convention bubble. Who knows? Either way, the cabbies aren’t happy. With 50,000 people in town, they thought business would be hopping. It’s not. “Where is these people?” our driver asked last night, driving down an almost empty street in Ybor. Verdict: Republicans are boring.
• Speaking of cab drivers, based on our random sampling, I wouldn’t expect a Cabbies for Romney movement this year.
• Speaking of Ybor, despite the dearth of people, it still looked like a police state. A bored police state. Because the cops had nothing to do.
• May we quickly comment on how ridiculous this entire convention is? Last night’s theme was “We did build that,” which, of course, is based on a lie. Rick Santorum’s droning on about welfare? Lie. Ann Romney’s soft sell about her husband’s up-from-his-bootstraps story? Lie. The innumerable references to how Barack Obama has ruined healthcare and stolen from Medicare and basically destroyed everything all by himself, because he’s not really American and doesn’t understand America, etc.? Lies. Has there ever been a campaign so intentionally detached from facts and reality? (Not that the Obama camp is entirely blameless, but the Romney campaign has truly become some surreal, next-level shit.) Why are we putting up with it—the mistruths, the out and out lies, the race-baiting, the dog whistles, the “we’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers”? Don’t we deserve better? This is a fucking travesty.
• Billy Manes will marry Patrick Howell one day. Patrick, if you’re reading this, please make it happen. For my sanity, if nothing else.
• AND ALSO, TINY HANDS