Bear death count up to seven in wake of Lake Mary attack




Florida wildlife officials put down their seventh bear yesterday in the wake of Sunday's singular bear attack in Lake Mary that left Terri Frana shaken and wounded with multiple staples and stitches. These latest bears were captured "in the vicinity" of the Frana incident but apparently showed no signs of aggression; it remains unknown if any of the euthanized bears were part of the ursine congregation rooting through Frana's garbage Sunday evening.

Florida Fish & Wildlife spokesperson Greg Workman defended killing seven bears when only one actually tried to maul Terri Frana by stating every creature officials encountered was "food conditioned" and "not afraid of humans," even when they "yell[ed] at them and clapped [their] hands."  Workman stresses that this is the correct behavior to engage in when faced with a wild bear---yell and clap at them, because bears hate loud noises. They hate instant death more, though, and the actions of our state wildlife heads speak slightly louder than their words. So maybe just kill a bear if you see one, even if it's a teddy bear or Bear Grylls or an employee of Bear Stearns.

Christian figurehead Jesus Christ, whom Terri Frana says spoke to her in the midst of Sunday's attack, could not be reached for comment.