Hello and good evening and happy everything to you! Tonight we get to watch actual interaction between current Attorney General Pam Bondi – a Republican who says "nothing personal" about the fact that she's fighting gay marriage, because, uh, some of her best friends are gay – and George Sheldon, her Democratic opponent who has some history in state government. We're pretty excited, actually. Today has been a bit of a red letter day for the marriage equality question, one that has ended with a virtual majority of states now offering gay marriage because the Supreme Court told them to with a big old hand to the face. Florida is listening and we need to know how Bondi is going to play this out should she win reelection, because this is why we vote. We don't vote for people who rule against human rights, do we? Anyway, in usual Bloggytown tradition, we'll be liveblogging starting around 7 p.m. (OVERTIME!). Hope you have a minute (or an hour) and can join us to watch somebody be incredibly defensive in the face of the winds of change. Also, we hear she likes a pie now and again. See you in an hour!
6:22 p.m.: This song is going through our heads... in a hopeful manner.
6:32 p.m.: Coming up with the rules for the debate. So far it looks like you'll need a bottle of pills for every time she says "pill mill," you should probably brace yourself with a bike headlight for each time "human trafficking" comes up and you're going to need at least six pink shots for each of her six gay friends when she brings them up. PARTY ON!
6:46 p.m.: For realsies, this debate was taped at 1 p.m. today so we've already heard the discouraging news that Bondi was predictably defensive while Sheldon was Democratically adequate. Still, we'll be studying all the nuances (and taking all the pills) as they transpire in repeat.
6:53 p.m.: HOLYSHIT, WE FORGOT ABOUT AMENDMENT 2!!!! It's a green party without the Green Party.
6:54 p.m.: Also, let's look out for Obamacare references and make the best of them, too, OK? Everytime she says Obamacare, grab your free birth control.
7:01 p.m.: YOU GUYS IT'S ON!!!!
7:02 p.m.: NOBODY IS LOOKING AT THE RIGHT CAMERA. Still heart you Ybeth Bruzual and Adam Smith.
7:03 p.m.: Pam Bondi has taken SEXCRIME further. Also, "Pill mills!!!!" and "long and hard." And "human trafficking!!!!" Oh Pam, what are you wearing. Wait, you've been to Mexico City? If we're to believe Pam Bondi, she has already made everything awesome. "I've never run for office, only attorney general." THAT'S AN OFFICE.
7:05 p.m.: "The attorney general ought to be the people's lawyer, not the the government's lawyer," Sheldon says. Medicaid fraud, he says, is a provider problem and not a person problem.
7:06 p.m.: Bill Wohlsifer (who?) is selling the Libertarian party and himself. He's "self-employed," natch.
7:07 p.m.: "To make Florida the safest place to live work and raise a family," Bondi says like a cheerleader. "Protect," that's what George Sheldon says. "Protector of civil liberties" says third guy who I don't want to hear from anymore.
7:09 p.m.: Synthetic drugs "which is really heroin," says Pam Bondi, being really dumb.
7:10 p.m.: Sheldon is going after Medicaid fraud again, white collar crime, and a "group of young women" who had issues with VAGINAL MESH. VAGINAL MESH!!!!!! DRINK HARDER.
7:12 p.m.: Now we're talking with Wohhglfssoiasddfjfeer about Charlotte's Web and medical marijuana. "This ballot initiative scares me," says Bondi. Children are the "unintended consequences." "If it's passed, I'll defend it!!!" Whatever, Pam.
7:13 p.m.: "I happen to trust the doctors of this state," Sheldon says. Because, uh, they are doctors.
7:15 p.m.: Bondi has one minute. She is selling that same shade that Amendment 2 is too difficult because it's "only two pages." The more you know, Pam.
7:16 p.m.: "There are bad doctors out there, but that's why we have laws," says Sheldon in a slam dunk. "Let's not separate" from other drugs that knock people out, silly.
7:17 p.m.: SURPRISE!!!! Pam Bondi is an insane person on rights restoration. She is ranting right now. "DON'T TELL THAT TO A RAPE VICTIM." What? Sheldon is defending rights restoration (with caveats of heinous crimes), because if you had a drug issue for a minute, you paid your dues, you get to vote.
7:20 p.m.: "With Gov. Scott, I have serious concerns about where he's taken this state," says Sheldon, referring to secrecy, Medicaid expansion, etc. Sheldon can't think of anything that Rick has done well.
7:21 p.m.: Bondi is NOT going to waste her time talking about flip-flopping Crist. She has no significant disagreements with her boyfriend Rick Scott.
7:23 p.m.: Wolfmanblitzer or whomever is playing the middle on the ACA right now, but kind of like your uncle does at Thanksgiving.
7:24 p.m.: Bondi just brought the knives out on the ACA and said that, while she's not calling the ACA a "lie" via Sheldon, because libel, but she wants you all to know that it's all a lie, and even though the Supreme Court said otherwise, she stands by her position that it's all a lie.
7:25 p.m.: Hey, just leaked to us: Pam Bondi only agreed to do this debate because the libertarian guy, WOUHSHGLKAITFFOIS, was going to be there. She is not doing any of the other debates that Sheldon is signed up for. She wants to split the difference; I want to split her ends.... OH WAIT, they're already split. NO MENTION OF GAY YET!!!
7:27 p.m.: PAM BONDI PUT HER HAND ON THE BIBLE AND THEREFORE IS ALLOWED TO HATE GAY PEOPLE.
7:28 p.m.: Bondi's office will "be reviewing that," because "we need finality." Adam Smith asks about giving up the defense, like, because that would be decent. Pam has only had three hours since today's decision so she's still working on the position she wants to take; "tremendous wins" she called them. IF THEY ARE SO TREMENDOUS, WHY DON'T YOU DROP YOUR APPEAL? Sheldon is basically saying that to her face. "Government ought to get out of the business of telling people who to love," also abortion. Sheldon says that Bondi has a higher responsibility than the dumb Florida constitution: The Supreme Court just whispered in society's ear.
7:32 p.m.: We're on to public corruption now, and the fact that Gov. Scott has huge holdings in corporations that he gives incentives to. HE'S SPEAKING IN THE TONGUES OF THE OBVIOUS. Maybe if we had an attorney general who looked into her boss' bullshit instead of revering it, then maybe the sun could shine?
7:33 p.m.: "That's how a politician talks, not an attorney general" - based on a newspaper article, says Bondi when faced with the corruption via Rick Scott. SERIOUSLY. Inside voices. Pam Bondi only believes in inside voices.
7:35 p.m.: Pam Bondi could talk "all day long" about foreclosure... and window tinting, travel clubs. She could go "on and on." She's an "executive."
7:36 p.m.: Sheldon just called out Bondi for holding out super long on the foreclosure settlement, which is true. She didn't like consumers until California balked. Also, the money that came to Florida was absorbed; also, she set up a bullshit foreclosure system that left everyone fucked. SHUT UP PAM BONDI.
7:37 p.m.: Bondi is very proud of her career and "I miss trying murder cases." WHO ARE YOU? "I was hanging pictures of dead children in my office." "Now I'm hanging pictures of live children." REMEMBER MEDICAID?
7:39 p.m.: Sheldon is being cut off for talking about how awesome his former boss Bob Butterworth, because maple syrup.
7:40 p.m.: Sheldon thinks Stand Your Ground needs "tinkering," because it's terrible. There are "fundamental" problems with it. Mr. WOHHDLAJGLAJSKL;K;AFJALL;KJF is a firm believer in the second amendment. FYI.
7:41 p.m.: "I am a firm believer in the second amendment," says Bondi, of course. It's none of her business, because the legislature decides all of everything. It's all about "I'm just doing my job."
7:45 p.m.: Bondi on utilities – not my job. She has no idea what she's talking about. However, she wrote a "very strong letter" saying Duke should have repaid people for hikes for a fake nuke plant. Sheldon is not buying it. Bondi is digging in, but that doesn't matter.
7:47 p.m.: A softball question about pill mills was just handed to Bondi but diverted to WHATSLTHSLATHAOFHOOFFFER. Lots of talk about pain and the fact that doctors are scared to alleviate it now. Bondi says she became "obsessed" with passing legislation against pill mills. "Pharmacies can still prescribe," she says. ACTUALLY, NO THEY CAN'T.
7:50 p.m.: Sheldon, setting the record straight, brings up that there isn't a lot of state funding for anti pill mill stuff, even though he gives Bondi credit for her pill obsession.
7:51 p.m.: Bondi is against gambling. SURPRISE.
7:53 p.m.: HOAFKALKDLHJAKJGGAKJK is in love with weed. I love that, but I don't believe as he does, that he's a "viable candidate."
7:54 p.m.: Sheldon just shut Bondi down on abortion, medical marijuana and gay marriage ... "Pam Bondi does not," he says ...
7:55 p.m.: Bondi is being pathetic now. She's doing the "career politician" thing and fearmongering about your "family" and your "great businesses."
7:57 p.m.: THIS SHIT IS OVER. AND IT WAS TERRIBLE. AND IF ANYONE SAW PAM BONDI TONIGHT AND DIDN'T CRINGE, THEN WE DON'T LIKE YOU. (WE BEING ME)