by Billy Manes
Beyond the "awards and presentations" part at the top of the show – we will be recognizing the "International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women," as well as "Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Day" – there's not a whole lot to chew on. The main piece is something we've already been aware of. Basically, the wool that's been pulling at your brow for the past seven years is a real thing. The Dr. Phillips Center for the Performing Arts, which opened to MUCH FANFARE over the past few days (replete with a talking points glossary that virtually forbids us from calling it "DPC," "DPAC," "The Doc" or "BOBARTS"), is having to rethink its financing situation. Because of the delays that made the center's "2012" flag (of which we have a piece!) obsolete, the city is shifting $751,067.99 via A SEVENTH AMENDMENT TO THE FUNDING AGREEMENT in order to cover the costs. Unfortunately, that money will be pulled away from any funding sources that might go into the center's actual purpose: Phase II, the acoustic hall for actual local arts. We're hearing that the gulf of financial problems for Phase II might be around $90 million now, which means hopefully Sheryl Crow and Emmylou Harris brought their checkbooks last week. In other words, there is no way that Phase II is happening. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.
So, join us at 2 p.m. as we listen to everyone on the dais talk about how great everything is (unless you're homeless or abused), and thank your chosen deity that there are no major development clusterfucks on today's agenda. We'll get through this. We always do.
2:06 p.m.: Rabbi Steven W. Engel, THE GUY FROM THE THREE WISE GUYS ON NPR, is here to give the invocation, because friends like talking about faith. This may very well be the highlight of today's proceedings. Meanwhile, I'm cutting my toenails and chuckling at the radio machine.
2:10 p.m.: Because Marcia Hope-Goodwin is wearing red – like the folks against last week's Princeton development debacle – Mayor Buddy Dyer made a joke about the Princeton in advance of her talking about violence against women. CLASSY.
2:16 p.m.: Today, we eliminate violence against women. Also, stormpocalypse is upon us. Just keeping you updated.
2:18 p.m.: Now it's time for the Coalition for the Homeless folks to talk about this special day when nobody is homeless. (Not trying to be funny, because nothing about homelessness is funny. Also, we still have a homeless feeding ordinance, just like Ft. Lauderdale does now.
OH, ALSO, WE'RE GOING TO TURN THE EOLA FOUNTAIN PURPLE ON FRIDAY FOR HOMELESS PEOPLE. PURPLE RAIN? BUT DO THEY HAVE EBOLA? BECAUSE BONO CARES. (Sorry, but this is just awful and must be shared).
2:22 p.m.: There are age jokes being made about Commissioner Robert Stuart ("Our oldest commissioner," says Dyer). OK, YOU GUYS, THE GROUP IS SINGING LIKE THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY OR THE BRADY BUNCH MIGHT = THEY CAN'T SING AT ALL.
2:23 p.m.: ... Because it was his birthday.
2:24 p.m.: MARCH MADNESS WILL BE RETURNING TO THE AMWAY CENTER FOR 2017, BECAUSE BASKETBALL. Too confusing, sportsball. Too confusing.
2:25 p.m.: Currently, we are listening to all of the holiday noise about trees and the Grinch and food trucks and Main Streets. It is not, for the record, Thanksgiving yet.
2:26 p.m.: Orlando is VERY SUPPORTIVE of the LGBT community, according to the new MEI index. YAY US! Also, Dyer just brushed over the performing arts center blah blah to try to boost the Citrus Bowl reopening. How soon we forget...
2:29 p.m.: Cyclehop bikeshare vendor situations will be opening before the end of the year (four stations this year; the other 16 before the end of March). The technology is moving faster than the bicycles, says Dyer. Um, OK.
2:31 p.m.: PATTY SHEEHAN IS THE BIGGEST SWAN FAN IN THE WORLD. She is showing slides from a "roundup" in which the swans were chipped, etc. One of the swans was named Buddy.
2:36 p.m.: Regina Hill is talking quite a bit about how she was Cinderella at the "DPAC" opening or something. Also, Veterans Day. Also, Orlando City Soccer. Oh, Regina.
2:40 p.m.: If you wonder why things are going quiet, it's in deference to the void that is Commissioner Sam Ings' expected ramblepussing. SAM. STOP IT. YOU HAVE THESE SLIDES TO BACK UP YOUR TALKING, BUT YOU COULD ALSO JUST PUT THEM ONLINE AND STOP TALKING. #protip #justthetip
2:46 p.m.: Can we just suggest, or even just put it out there, that Ings may have a bit of a CRUSH on Clerk of Courts-elect Tiffany Moore Russell? Also, he's talking about Harris Rosen doing a "happy dance." Sam Ings had an interesting lunch.
2:48 p.m.: Commish Jim Gray just yielded his time to Tony Ortiz who is talking about the PARK OF THE AMERICAS, a new dog park that HAS A DOMINOES (GAME, NOT PIZZA) COMPONENT. "I'm not talking about the husbands, I'm talking about the dogs," he said, apropos of nothing. The park opens on Nov. 22, Saturday (for those who keep days straight).
2:51 p.m.: "Apparently they can't sing at Boone," Robert Stuart just said, alienating a huge chunk of Orlando. That's because Davis Gaines (of Phantom fame) went to Edgewater. Rivalry is fun. Also fun? COYOTE MEETINGS. THERE HAVE BEEN COYOTE MEETINGS. ALSO A COYOTE HAS BEEN KILLED, WE HEAR.
2:58 p.m.: OK, as expected, we are dribbling away into nothingness now. The dark gets gray, the ordinances get grayer. Everybody approves everything (including the DPAC fund shift) and we all go to sleep happy. Happy stormpocalypse, dear readers. We are over and out.