The easiest GD punch you can make for New Year's Eve and still look like you're trying 👊 ⚡️ 🎉

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Laird's Applejack is the first commercially distilled spirit in America (George Washington drank it!), plus it tastes good. - VIA 320 MAIN
  • via 320 Main
  • Laird's Applejack is the first commercially distilled spirit in America (George Washington drank it!), plus it tastes good.
If you're throwing a party tonight (or any night) — the kind of party where people might put a little thought into their outfits, not a case-of-the-cheapest-beer-you-can-find kind of party — cocktails naturally come to mind. But mixing individual drinks all night means you won't get to have any fun at your own party. Punch is the answer.

I did a Remix of a very traditional circa-1860s punch earlier in the month, and it's very nice, but it takes a bit of effort. On the other hand, I made the recipe below last night, and it was absolutely the easiest drink I've ever made — and popular. Quick trip to the liquor store and you're golden. Go get it.



The Easiest Goddamn Punch 
Chill everything first just in case you have ice issues, like every party in history. 
  • 2 quart-capacity bowl  
  • 2 1/2 cups Laird's Applejack
  • 3 cups apple cider (or hard cider if you want your guests to get drunkkkkkk)
  • 6 ounces Grade B maple syrup (it's cheaper!)
  • 6 ounces lemon juice
  • 1 bottle cava, prosecco, cheap champagne or whatever
  • 6-8 dashes Angostura bitters
  • 1 Golden Delicious (or any yellow) apple, sliced into thin rounds
Put first four ingredients (applejack through lemon juice) in the bowl and stir. When your guests show up, add the bottle of champagne-ish and the bitters. Throw in the apple slices. FANCY.


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