Jeb: Jeb Bush, exclamation point.- Act I, Donald Trump, Chump
My name is Jeb Bush, exclamation point.
And there’s a million things I haven’t done
But please just clap, please just clap.
Christie: Braaah! Braahh! I am Governor Chris Christie- Act I, Sanders Refuted
Up in it, lovin’ it, runnin’ the Garden State, New Jersey
Close down your bridges and SubwaysTM, delays
These days, the gays are ablaze, please pass the mayonnaise?
Bernie (yelling and wildly gesturing): Hear ye, hear ye!-Act II, Stay In The Race (Reprise)
My name is Bernie Sanders, and I present
“Free Thoughts on the Proceedings of the War on Terror!”
Heed not the right wing, who scream about ISIS,
They have not your interests at heart.
Christie: Oh my god, tear this socialist apart.
Bernie: Regime change and bloodshed are not a solution
Don’t let them lead you to war
This Congress does not speak for me.
Trump: Loser! Weak!
Jeb: Where is my son?- Act II, The Field Was Wide Enough
Doctor Carson: Mr. Bush, come in.
They brought him in a half an hour ago.
He lost a lot of dignity on the way over.
Jeb: Is he still in the race?
Doctor Carson: He repeated the same line five times and appeared to be a robot.
Jeb: Can I see him, please?
Doctor Carson: I’m doing everything I can.
But the press was already on him when I arrived.
I did everything you said, daddy.
I dispelled the fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing.
Jeb: I know, I know. Shh.
Trump: Poor Jeb couldn’t stop being a mess,
I destroyed him, it suffices to sa-ay
His body bleeding guacamole
This campaign process is just so huge, It’s just so inspiring, you know, and, we’re bringing tremendous amounts of people together, tens of thousands of people, really huge stuff,