Have you seen one of these giant grasshoppers? Well, they're everywhere, and it's safe to say they currently run this town.
They're called lubber grasshoppers
, and though they usually appear from July to August, our recent heavier rainfall has summoned these beasts from their gross little egg pods in the soil.
For the rest of the summer these dinosaur-sized insects will walk amongst men, sharing our roads, sidewalks and yards.
Often appearing in massive clusters, the 3-inch long lubber grasshopper is a clumsy idiot that sucks at flying and can barely jump. Basically it just flings its big dumb body towards a plant or tree and then proceeds to devour whatever plant life is conveniently placed in front of its giant bulbous head.
Though they completely suck at being mobile, the lubber grasshopper can and will devastate most plants, including citrus farms and pretty much anything green in your yard. So, if you want to protect your foliage, you're going to have to fight them off one by one, in hand-to-hand combat.
However, you should know that they spray a gross and very stinky juice up to 15 cm from their spiracles, which leaves us at a slight disadvantage.
Forget it, Orlando. It's lubber town.
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