Every year on July 11, behemoth of convenience 7-Eleven Corp. celebrates its eponymous date by giving away free Slurpees. But rather than just tell you that – go on, go get your free small Slurpee – we thought we'd go you one extra and turn to the undisputed Queen of 7-Eleven, a woman so devoted to convenience (and Steel Reserve) that she held the reading/signing for her debut novel at her local 7-Eleven (and it was covered in the New York Times!), local author Kristin Arnett.
Photo courtesy of Miss Kristen Arnett
The most holy of days has come ’round again!
It’s time to pull on a shirt, slip on some shoes, and get some Grade-A customer service at your local 7-Eleven. Celebrate the place that knows you best and still lets you in the door, anyway. In honor of this blessed day, get yourself a snack or two. Breathe in that special convenience store air conditioning. Luxuriate in the fluorescent lighting. Pour yourself an extra-large coffee. This year ask not what your 7-Eleven can do for you, but what you can do for your 7-Eleven:
— Buy those Select chips you’ve been meaning to try. Tell a date you’re taking them out for some “Prime Rib” and then hand over a flavored bag (there’s also Hot Italian Sausage and Corn on the Cob and Peach Cobbler and Spicy Guacamole and Buffalo Chicken Dip, sky’s the limit, buffet it up).
— Figure out which Slurpee flavors mix best together and which, when combined, taste like floor cleanser. I do not recommend banana.
— Put some gas in your car. Wash the windshield with that squeegee that’s been hanging out next to the pumps since the Year of Our Lord 1892. Make sure you get the mirrors. Hey, why not wash the whole car while you’re at it. It’s FREE.
— Buy a 7-Eleven brand pepperoni pizza for around five bucks and contemplate whether you want some Steel Reserve to go with that (you absolutely do).
It’s your neighborhood bar! It’s your therapist’s couch! It’s the place you go in the middle of the night when you’re out of toilet paper. They’ve got that cereal you like. King size candy bars. One billion bags of ice. Doughnuts. A frozen section that could rival any ice cream truck. Gummies the shape of cherries so you can tell your Mom you’re eating “fruit” when she asks about your gas station dinners.
I mean, they’ve also got those BOGO bananas next to the cash register, if you’re into that kinda thing.
The thing about 7-Eleven is it’s always there for us, 365 days a year, 7 days a week, 24/7, in sickness and in health. It’s a beautiful marriage of convenience. By that I mean you can get antacids as well as tampons and condoms and there’s also small bottles of ibuprofen. Grab some ginger ale, very helpful for tomorrow’s hangover recovery.
You know what, buy the cashier something, too. Most days they’re working alone, stocking the shelves we’re emptying, answering stupid questions about lottery tickets, and manning the hot dog rollers so we can all have taquitos. God knows they could use a beer.
Before you head home, grab some 2-for-8 buck wine with the cartoon bear on the label, really treat yourselves.
It’s called Yosemite Road and it’s every bit as good as the boxed stuff.
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