Illustration by Anna Cruz
For nearly eight years of my life, I was in a committed, romantic partnership. To a twenty-something, eight years can feel like forever. However, my ex-partner provided the Disney princess fairytale. We met in college, first big love, quickly moved in together, built a business, a home, fuzzy animals, white picket fence, etc. However, that wasn’t actually my dream, it was Walt’s. By my mid-twenties, I had simply acquired what every young, American girl sees on television growing up — a prince that saved me and a happily ever after. So, at the time, it was hard to comprehend why I had spent the last three years of our relationship unbearably depressed.
It seemed I had it "all" and yet, there was still something missing deep inside of me. Everyday, I’d wake up in a beautiful house, golden sunrises peeking through fair-trade linen curtains, on a 5-acre organic farm and actually feel sorry for myself. The life I truly craved dangled like purple, juicy figs out of reach. Paralleling the wilting tree from Sylvia Plath’s infamous novel, The Bell Jar,
I was approaching the end of my twenties watching each one of my dreams slowly decay in the distance. I repeatedly sat on my porch steps and thought: “I haven’t lived abroad, I haven’t visited Los Angeles or Chicago, I haven’t published any of my writing, I haven’t performed with my guitar, I haven’t hiked the Rocky Mountains … yet.” The term “yet” became my constant and “one day,” my personal mantra. Looking back, it was quite simple really: my ex-partner was happy settling down to build lifelong roots in Florida and I wasn’t. Eventually, I faced my fears, braved the big, scary world and left the relationship.
As I write this article from a small cafe in Berlin, Germany, I recognize how far I’ve come in finally being a writer, living abroad and (for lack of a better term) finding my bliss. So how the hell does this relate to the archetype of Aries? Well, to me, it has everything to do with Aries. I see Aries as the energy that has been tailing behind me my whole life, mocking me. I’d always present myself as strong and fearless like the Aries ram archetype. In reality, I internally felt weak and pathetic.
Aries' ruling planet is Mars, which represents power, aggression, war, fighting, brotherhood and blood shed. Aries is a fire sign, which means they can be quick to anger. Those with strong Aries energy are forces to be reckoned with and confidently work towards their goals. In the Zodiac, Aries is labeled as the first sign and they definitely don’t shy away from competition. They also use their phallic, "number 1" energy to penetrate the world through action. In many ways, the archetype of Aries is conventional masculinity at its core. Aries is not just simply knowing what you desire but also confidently taking it.
We choose strong partners to make up for areas we lack in. My ex-partner has a sun, moon and Venus conjunction in Aries. He is as Aries dominant as it gets. He’s bold, strong, courageous, determined, fearless, confident and hardworking. At the same time, he is also forceful, aggressive, dominating, narcissistic and condescending. So, when I finally broke off the relationship after building our dream home, he was pissed, resentful. I had a loyal, confident Aries man and I disrespected him. To suddenly and (worse) passively abandon the life we created together by sliding out the back door and into the arms of fellow travelers, he felt entitled to being angry. The fuming rage was his Aries fire and I was the sole spark that caused it.
I don’t ever want to play the victim, but I mean it when I say that after breaking-up I was genuinely scared of him. My ex towered over me physically with his strong Aries stature, and as a grown-ass man, he was fucking intimidating. I spent years hating him for how disrespectfully he spoke to me, for physically manhandling me, emotional abusing me and verbally threatening me on a consistent basis for abandoning our life. Likewise, I hated the archetype of Aries that I associated with his behaviors. The truth is, I was petrified to reach for what I actually wanted in life without anyone else's approval. I was depressed because I felt ashamed. I’d emotionally crumble when my partner would combat me. My lack of personal strength convinced me to stay in Florida and in a domesticated, lifestyle far longer than I actually wanted to. I felt guilty for not being happy and wanting more out of life. I had zero confidence. I was afraid to leave and I allowed fear to paralyze me. Where was my inner Aries when I needed him?
Please know, if you have a strong Aries energy in your chart, you’re definitely not doomed to be macho. These were deep, karmic lessons I had to face and learn from — and eventually, I did. In short, Aries energy was my life lesson so I could learn how to be tough, how to be fearless and how to stand up for myself. I aggressively went after my new life and left the old one behind, never looking back. In the end, my Aries fire burned away the old life and fears I attributed with it. Now, I live in Europe fulfilling my dream as a chef, writer and musician. The loss of my partner taught me how to embrace the charming, strong Aries qualities in my own being. Internally, I finally faced the growing separation, or rather, I faced Aries. I cultivated my intuition, I became strong, started fighting for my needs and ultimately became confident and secure in my decisions — without anyone else's approval.
So, this article is dedicated to imparting to my readers the strength and fire of Aries. This month, I want you to really let go of fear and focus on your inner truth. During free time, I encourage you to write down all of your fears on a piece of paper — include as many as you can possibly think of. Then, take a walk, burn the paper and release them. No matter your sun sign or dominating energy, you are capable of anything you set your mind to. I crawled on my hands and knees out of an "unhealthy relationship comfort zone." Aries teaches both Disney princesses and us thriving queens to learn from your trauma, stand up for who you are and fight back with the full energy of living your best life fearlessly. Aries reminds us that there is no wrong life you can lead, only the one that is authentically yours.
April Horoscope for Sun Signs:
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Welcome home to your season, my ferocious rams! This month it’s time to start cultivating your personal power. Those with a sun in Aries are built strong with a creative energy that also helps to drive and strengthen goals. This month, with Mercury stationed in Aries (going direct on the 15th) the lesson is about speaking the truth — with confidence. Mercury in Aries tells it like it is, without the intention or fear of hurting others. The sun in Aries brings a sense of internal well-being for you. This support will also provide you with more patience for others. You prefer a fast-paced lifestyle and Mercury moves quickly as well. When it is transiting your sun sign it gives you an opportunity to shine through both work endeavors and get out what has personally been on your mind. This month's transits are all about transformation. Not only do we begin the new spring equinox and seasonal changes, but the planets also focus on deep internal changes. As above, so below. The renewed Earth in spring will also happen internally as we clear out the old. It is no coincidence that Aries begins this shift, as it provides all the drive and confidence to do so. When we add a full moon in Scorpio at the end of the month, forcing us to look at our behaviors, we can use Aries fire to burn away what no longer serves us. Like the April showers, you too will blossom from it.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Dear my darling bulls, this month is bringing big internal changes. When the season changes from winter to spring, new life is breathed into our surroundings. The planets also go through major changes which cause internal shifts in our energy fields. As a stable and fixed sign, you are all about consistent hard work which will lead to progress. Fixed signs are slow moving but they are always ready to go deep into uncharted territory to finish challenging pursuits. With a moon in Scorpio (your polar sign) and a sun transiting Taurus by April 20, you will be asked to start bringing those strong qualities of strength and to go full force after what you want. When a retrograde Saturn is in Capricorn alongside Pluto, you may need to learn how to slow down and start deciding what truly is most important to cultivate in life. Saturn in Capricorn asks you to find what brings you joy in life and focus on bringing more of that energy into your life without guilt.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Hello, my rascally twins! This month with a sun in Aries, full moon in Scorpio and Venus entering Gemini on April 24, I would expect your month to be full of romance and fun social events! You will be moved to be more chatty than usual and may desire sparking conversations with strangers wherever you go. You may even like texting or phone chatting more than usual, as the energy this month is making you crave connection. The full moon in Scorpio at the end of the month draws a personal challenge for you which relates directly to these new relationships. Every person you meet is mirroring back to you your personal needs. As an air sign, you can get lost in thought and possibly even detach from your needs or deep feelings, as you prefer to keep things very “light.” Scorpio full moon will pull you back inside to start recognizing what your feelings are and how valuable they are. Let the relationships you build this month help you be more open, vulnerable and help you understand who you are and what you need.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
To my cute crabs hiding in their shell, this month’s full moon in Scorpio will have you feeling extra exposed! The sun is currently in Aries and as a fire sign, it brings with it a need to go out and achieve. It brings a force of direct power that helps you accomplish and set some short-term goals. However, with a full moon leading to Scorpio it forces everyone to start getting rid of bad habits and fears still lingering deep down. As a Cancer, you tend to hide away in your shell until you know it is safe to come out. Cancer is ruled by the moon and it makes you extremely sensitive (you wear your heart on your sleeve). Since the moon represents the mind and Cancer is all about charting deep waters (water is an energetic channel), it also provides extra-sensory, heightened psychic powers. However, with a full moon in Scorpio on April 30, expect to go even deeper — into the uncomfortable places. Scorpios like to get dirty, in order to air out all of their shit. This month's transits, especially with Mercury (the planet of speech) going direct again, you may have to come out of your shell and come to terms with what you have been feeling. Face some of those fears by being vulnerable — don’t let Aries fool you, it says there is strength in showing your weakness.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
To those big, strong, handsome lions, this month with a sun in Aries you are feeling the wonderful impact of being back in a fire sign transit. You love Aries movement, its quick energy and intense connection with the self. The past two months in Pisces and Aquarius may have been feeling a bit too loosey-goosey and all over the place. Have you been feeling dizzy or out of energy? Expect that to change as the new spring season is upon us and the sun is in its full, exalted energy. This month you will feel able to go out and perhaps dispel some of your fears through movement. Keep your body moving and charged in the sun, it will help you feel balanced in many different ways. When the full moon transits Scorpio at the end of the month, you will feel your emotions start to bubble over a bit. If you lose your cool, that’s okay. Just make sure you look at the ways you speak to others and correct any bad habits of being too forceful or unrealistic in your expectations.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
To my dear practical, analytical and focused Virgins, this month is a rollercoaster of transformation ready for your organizational skills! As we start the month off with a sun, new moon and Mercury in Aries, you are asked to get out of your head and into your hands. Use all the excess built-up energy this month and channel it into a personal project. When the full moon transits Scorpio it will bring an abrupt awareness to internal places you may not have been giving enough attention to. Virgos tend to become very self-consumed by their work, their thoughts and their own skills. It brings a sense of perfectionism that can make you into your own worst critic at times. The planetary transits will ask you to reflect on where you have been beating yourself up too much. Aries sun will aid in helping you release those fears of not being enough and your mind can help you reorganize your sense of self into methods of power.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
To my balanced scales of justice, you are in for a real planetary treat this month. As the sun, new moon and Mercury begins the month in your polar sign (Aries), you are confronted with a renewed sense of energy, which may come in sporadic waves. You are also confronted with a need to fully embrace yourself. Specifically, your emotional behaviors and areas where you need to build more confidence. Aries sun will help you correct inner imbalances. When you feel the power of an Aries sun shine on you, it asks you to be strong and confident in yourself. When Scorpio transits the full moon expect to face those internal fears regarding relationships. Libras are ruled by Venus (the planet of love) and as much as they crave closeness with others, they fear it too. Balance is so important to a Libra that the thought of losing oneself in another person is a real possibility and also terrifying. Again, Aries will support you through this time by helping you acknowledge that by knowing yourself fully, you can never become lost in another. Likewise, when the Aries sun starts radiating on you, it is a clear message to live your life to the fullest. You are being pulled by the transits to show off your many different creative skills. Perhaps the struggle early this month is becoming immersed in all of them (i.e music, surfing, biking, cooking, etc)!
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
To my fantastic and misunderstood scorpions, this month is all about honoring your incredible qualities of transformation. You can relate to the fearlessness in Aries, as it begins our spring season with fire. The sun, new moon and Mercury is in Aries this month which will help you take direct action, be physically active, confident and set short-term goals. As a water sign with intense passion and depth, you can handle all this fire and excitement. In fact, you are the cool wave amongst the crowd absorbing this energy and meeting it with patience. As the month leads to a full moon and Jupiter in Scorpio expect to feel extra sensitive, highly receptive and a bit less social. This is a great month to start seeing the challenges you’ve faced in life as opportunities. The planets and season are aligning for you to be renewed. You are a powerhouse of willpower and focus — not to mention you rule death and rebirth (i.e. winter into spring). Use your attention to detail and heightened spiritual gifts to connect with the root of your fears. Recognize that every last obstacle you are facing right now is simply just a new opportunity for you to get to your next phase in life. In short, if you see a storm coming, focus on the rainbow at the end. I think you’ll get to the next level by cultivating and harnessing your incredible strength.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Happy spring season archers, I am sure you are so ready for some fire in your life after this long winter! The sun, new moon and Mercury all transit Aries this month, providing some long awaited action in your physical body and speech. You need to move to help you cure seasonal depression. This month is opening the door for you to get out and simply have fun! As the sign of optimism, this month would be a great chance for you to explore your inner child. Perhaps you can go visit your old basketball court and have a game with friends. Or maybe go to the park and swing next to the kids (careful not to get in trouble!). However, boosting your free spirit and childish energy may help you feel alive again in beautiful, nostalgic ways. When Venus enters Gemini you may also feel more free spirited in your romantic relationships. It’s a great time for you to be social and meet people.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
To my favorite goth goats, this month your ruling planet Saturn is going retrograde. First, this means keep a close eye on your health; be sure to add some extra vitamin C, D and B to your diet. Perhaps go ahead and actually order that green kale smoothie. You will want to stay physically strong as the season changes into spring. With a sun and new moon in Aries you may be feeling pressured to be active — which is a great thing for you. Just don’t overdo it — as you have a tendency to give everything you do 120 percent. The other factor that will play a major role is that Pluto will also go retrograde in Capricorn alongside Saturn. This is a key for you in experiencing deep inner transformation. It may be about realizing that it isn’t “everyone else” but rather, how you have been personally feeling and internalizing situations. This month's transits are preparing us to recognize where we have been lacking self-esteem or really, personal acceptance. Capricorns (like Virgos) are insanely hard on themselves and strive to achieve at all costs. This month with a moon in Scorpio it’s about addressing where those desires originally stemmed from. It’s crucial to know that we have no one in life to please but ourselves.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
To my free spirits of the Zodiac, this month is a bit of a whirlwind for you. With the sun in the fire sign of Aries, a full moon transiting watery Scorpio and Saturn going retrograde in earthy Capricorn — expect to have your head in the clouds and to like keeping it there! This month with Saturn retrograde in Capricorn it’s about setting the foundation now to achieve what you want for later. If you are feeling overwhelmed or lost in a blur of different thoughts, don’t worry. The energy of a sun in Aries and full moon in Scorpio asks you this month to keep digging for your passion. You’ll find it.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Finally time to swim again, fishes! With the new spring season upon us it’s time to head back to the water and feel refreshed and renewed. Just be mindful of your allergies during the spring season and take good care of yourself this month! With a sun, new moon and Mercury in Aries this month your life is heating up in order to learn how to cool down. Let the energy of this month inspire you. With a Venus in Gemini it speaks of being social and active in cultivating new relationships. This seasonal change is bringing deep transformation. With a full moon in Scorpio at the end of the month you are asked to clear out some old emotional closets. If you feel someone has been a bit forceful with you or if you have been feeling stuck — go out to the deep ocean waters and clear yourself. Let Aries' fire burn away your fears and the waters soothe your soul.
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