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5 steps to Britney becoming a sex slave

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1. Catholic school uniforms. Little plaid skirts most often turn up to reveal big Catholic rebellion, and Britney's locker-hallway video debut, "Baby, One More Time" (with its subtle call to action of "hit me") flirted with everything short of the headmaster. Back then, though, she was just a potential slut with a corp of Swedish Svengali songwriters. It all seemed safe enough.

2. Purported breast implants. Britney's noticeable growth in the chest department following her first record caused many to take notice. "When I first signed with the label we took a lot of photos," argued Britney to TV Guide. "And those were the photos that got used. I weighed 105 pounds; I weigh 130 now. I went through a major growth spurt." Insert spurt joke here.

3. The coining of the term, "Oops!" Her second album, while tame in the lyric department, did hint at signs of apology for a crime yet to be committed. The title track, "Oops! I Did It Again," skirted around Britney's inability to commit, making her a tease. Which we all know is the first step to becoming a Bad Girl.

4. Falling in love publicly with burgeoning bad-boy Justin Timberlake. If you're gonna be a slave, it's best to have someone to be a slave to. And 'N Sync's Timberlake, well on his way to becoming a hip-hop pimp himself, does seem to be the perfect catch. Despite repeated assurances of celibacy, master and servant have been known to throw back a few (oh, and Britney just got caught drinking in a nightclub -- at 19). Let's see, multimillionaire twenty-cresters with drinking issues and shared domiciles. You don't actually think they sleep together, do you?

5. Releasing a single called "Slave 4 U." The video is a big Diet Pepsi ad of men sweating in hot, summer squalor and barely keeping their clothes on. The song is reminiscent of the car air-freshener anthems of Prince's previous slaves, Appalonia and Vanity. Madonna officially loves her now. Britney is definitely a slut.


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