Let's face it: Orlando is weird. In addition to being weird, Orlando also has a lot of coffee shops. And since knowing all the places where you can buy a good latte is as important as knowing where the hospitals are located (if not more so), we're here to educate you on this city's top coffee shops and how weird said shops are. (P.S. If you didn't already get this, weird is not an insult in our book.)
So without further ado, here are seven Orlando coffee shops ranked by weirdness:
1. Austin's Coffee, 929 W. Fairbanks Ave., Winter Park, austinscoffee.com
Any place open 24 hours is going to be weird sometimes. Have you ever been to CVS or Walmart at 4:15 a.m. and not seen some wild shit happening? During the day, Austin's is pretty normal, and even after dark, their open mic nights are straight-up Orlando as usual. But around midnight is when things start getting freaky – like people-in-pajamas-with-their-shoes-off, couples-making-out-in-booths, unfunny-comic-screaming-at-the-audience freaky. And the reason I can state Austin's oddities as fact is because I'm part of it. Once upon a time, I would pop up weekly at spoken-word Thursdays; once, I gave a 20-minute dissertation on how Young Thug's rap technique can be directly compared to the work of late-19th-century Impressionist painter Claude Monet. If I saw someone do that, I'd definitely think, "This place is fucking weird."
2. Drunken Monkey Coffee Bar, 444 N. Bumby Ave., drunkenmonkeycoffee.com
Drunken Monkey's coffee and food is very good. And they have a drive-through. Which is sick. But you know how the headquarters of like every billion-dollar company is in Connecticut? Drunken Monkey is like that, but for 30-something entrepreneurs in flip-flops. Again, I can say this because I'm part of it – I too have been guilty of using Drunken as my home base. But I do it while looking about 30 times better than the average computer capitalist.
3. Vespr Coffeebar, 626 N. Alafaya Trail, thevespr.com
Vespr may very well be the bougie-est coffee spot in Orlando. But why oh why the fuck is it in East Orlando? Come downtown, Vespr. You're too good for hungover frat boys in slides and socks. We'll love you correctly here.
4. Stardust Video & Coffee, 1842 Winter Park Road, stardustie.com
Have you ever gone anywhere and had to wait 45 minutes for tater tots? Do you usually order tater tots at a coffee shop? Weird. Also, they have empty VHS tape boxes all over the place – plus used books, cocktails, art, music and the aforementioned tots. Stardust is excellently weird.
5. Credo, multiple locations, downtowncredo.com
The only weird thing of note about Credo is that it functions on a seemingly socialist foundation – you pay what you want. And its success at three locations is an indication that we, in fact, need more socialism, and shouldn't think of it as "weird." Hmm. BRB, I'm reconsidering.
6. Lineage Coffee Roasting, 3201 Corrine Drive; also 1011 E. Colonial Drive, lineageroasting.com
The coffee-shop setting that Instagram influencers dream of. Both locations are pretty (OK, I'm mostly talking about the Mills 50 location here), but neither is all that weird.
7. Foxtail Coffee Co., multiple locations, foxtailcoffee.com
Since opening, Foxtail has made it their duty to cram their brand into any available building in a shockingly short period of time. So they're basically Orlando's own Starbucks. Not at all weird. Good nitro, though.