I think it's time we discuss something, Orlando drinkers. I've let this slide for a while, but I can't keep quiet about it anymore. What is up with people puking at the bar?
Sure, bartenders present the perfect conditions for you to end up with an upset tummy – we give you booze, a party atmosphere and a staff encouraging you to let loose. But we're also trusting people. And we trust that you know how to handle all of this fun.
Obviously, there's a learning curve, especially for the 21-year-olds who are just learning how to drink. We try to cut you some slack as you figure out what drinks you like and which ones you don't, and how much or how little puts you over the edge. We've all gone through it, and we've all learned the hard way. (I still can't drink vanilla vodka.) And every time a new liquor or flavor of vodka is introduced, we try to be lenient and expect that some people will imbibe too much. But maybe you should test your drinking skills at home – hold off on consuming those new things in public until you're confident they won't come back up.
If you can't drink whiskey because it comes out of your nose, don't order shots of Jameson. Unless you actually like black licorice, I suggest you stay away from Jäger too. If three shots get you drunk, ordering seven makes you a jerk. And then there's the puking.
The only thing more annoying than not tipping a bartender, is puking in front of one, especially if it's on or behind the bar. Believe me, this happens way more often than you think.
One fabulous girl I served tried throwing up into a shot glass. She took her shot, placed the plastic cup on the bar, leaned over it, aimed and let loose like a fire hose. Despite her valiant attempt, all of her vomit did not fit into the glass. Guess where it landed: All. Over. The. Bar.
And guess who had to clean it up. I'm still shuddering.
Then there are the people who puke onto my side the bar – do both of us a favor and consider my side of the bar off limits. Do not lean over it and throw up, and please (I'm begging you) stay away from the trash can sitting less than a foot away from me. That's for trash, ice and everything except your bodily fluids. I really don't want to see chunky liquid drip from your mouth when I'm mid-pour with someone else's drink, and I certainly don't want to smell it or hear it.
And ladies, have I mentioned how pretty you look climbing head first into a trash can? Oh, right. I didn't.
It's safe to say, if you're going to spew at a bar, don't spew here:
On the bar.
Behind the bar.
On the dance floor.
In a dark, secluded corner where it won't be found.
On bar stools and chairs.
On other customers. (You don't even want to know.)
On yourself. (Ew!)
Find a toilet, or better yet, a nearby street, alley or any place outside, where it can be safely hosed away. Nobody wants to clean up the consequences of your poor choices and bad decisions, and no one wants to get covered in your vomit while carrying you out of the bar.
Know your limits and order wisely. We'll all feel better the next day.
Lindsay Gigler is a local bartender and blogger. You can check out her blog at cocktailsfromthedarkside.com