Yes, it's summertime again and in Orlando that means one thing: Crushing throngs of tourists will flock from across the globe to enjoy our illustrious theme-park offerings. So I've asked my good friends Do'sney and Don'tsney to help me out with some tips for enjoying the lifeblood of our local economy, whether you hail from Lake Mary or Lake Titicaca. Take it away, fellas!
Do'sney always splits a room at one of Walt Disney World Resort's "value" hotels with friends. This ensures that Do'sney and his pals can take a midday break when the crowds have reached peak insanity. Nothing can ruin a day like being trapped on Main Street, USA trying to enter or exit the Magic Kingdom in the Florida summer heat. Do'sney prefers to be chilling with his resort pool privilege, sipping on a Captain's Mai Tai. Do'sney also takes advantage of the Extra Magic Hours afforded to the traveling party by staying at a Disney resort. This allows them access to the parks either before or after operating hours for up to two hours, depending on the day.
Don'tsney just shows up whenevs, acting like the mayor or something. Don'tsney gets a lot of panic attacks utilizing this strategy.
Do'sney stays hydrated with good ol' H20 and uses lots of sunblock. Do'sney even wears a silly hat sometimes when the brutal sun is particularly intense.
Don'tsney don't care. The overconsumption of soda will most likely be the death of our pal one day. And at $3 a pop! Someone should let Don'tsney know that any Disney food cart or restaurant that has the ability to throw ice and water in a cup will do so. All it takes is the courage to ask. Let's not even go into the crying we hear down at the office when Don'tsney gets blistering sunburns from ignoring Do'sney's constant lectures on the importance of SPF.
Do'sney dresses appropriately, wearing just enough to stay cool but not so little as to not offend. Nobody wants to see that, sir or ma'am. For the safety and comfort of those around you, please put it away. This isn't Mons Venus.
Don'tsney lets it all hang out, New Orleans-style. Nothing is going to stop the madness that is Don'tsney's summer wardrobe. Holes everywhere. Sometimes, those around Don'tsney are lucky that there's even enough fabric to have holes in it! It's difficult to look away when you're stuck in a 120-minute wait for Peter Pan.
Do'sney finds quiet areas and lesser-traveled pathways like the one that takes you from behind Space Mountain in Tomorrowland to the Fantasyland Train Station. Areas like this can make all the difference on an overly crowded August day. Do'sney also likes the Morocco pavilion at Epcot for "getting away" inside the theme parks.
Don'tsney tries to hit all of the most popular attractions during peak times. Don'tsney doesn't even try to utilize Fastpass+, an easy-to-use tool that lets you reserve a ride time for all of your favorites, sometimes as many as 60 days in advance with a resort stay.
So there you have it, folks! When you're going to Disney, don't be a Don'tsney.