Who says nothing is sacred anymore? Look at the uproar that resulted when the makers of the Sex and the City movie (released this week) held its premiere in London instead of New York, where its heroines famously reside. Talk about your tempests in a mimosa glass! If we ourselves were to one day learn that not all of the founding members of Boston actually hailed from Boston, we might be able to fully comprehend the impact this geographic slight had on the Sex mob of commitment-averse shoe fetishists.
Until that day, though, we’ll continue to experience befuddlement verging on disgust whenever we’re reminded of Sex and the City (so named, we suppose, because Seriously Rethinking Third-Wave Feminism reads like ass on a poster). We’re totally down with the interpretation offered by a choreographer we know, who once pithily observed that SATC projects onto women “everything that’s wrong with men.” For real: Is it any sort of inroad for a summer film to prove that ladies, too, can surrender to pummeling materialism, a blinkered emphasis on self-gratification and hollow objectification of the opposite gender? Plus, Darren Star and his “creative” crew must be laughing their sphincters loose knowing that their amoral fantasia has been welcomed as gospel by genuine urban women, instead of their obvious target demo: Iowan paralegals too tipsy and titillated to notice that the characters are actually semiotic stand-ins for gay men.
So, no, we don’t have a strong opinion on the thing one way or the other.
Opening Friday, May 30
Sex and the City We’re realists here. We know that nothing we might write could dim a fan’s enthusiasm for rejoining the continuing adventures of Carrie and Samantha and … uh, Dopey, and … uh, the Pink Power Ranger. And maybe that’s as it should be, because everybody has the right to indulge his or her particular pop-culture obsession in a state of unmolested respect. So knock yourselves out, skanks. (R; New Line)
The Fall Director Tarsem Singh has spent his career waging a pitched battle with audio. He started out papering lush tableaux over the collegiate-rock banalities of R.E.M., then went on to helm the gorgeous but dumb mind-of-a-killer fantasy The Cell, which is right up there with Bram Stoker’s Dracula as one of the greatest-ever movies to watch with the sound turned completely off. His latest is a mythical fantasy that takes place inside the imagination of a hospitalized girl. We’ve already began cobbling together a bribe to make our local projectionist disconnect the DTS. (R; Roadside Attractions)
The Strangers A month ahead of her scheduled rendezvous with the Incredible Hulk, Liv Tyler plays one-half of a married couple terrorized by mysterious assailants. So far, it looks like Funny Games without the annoying distraction of a point. (R; Rogue Pictures)
Available Tuesday, June 3
Casino Royale 40th Anniversary Edition Commentaries and documentaries reveal how the 1967 James Bond spoof became one of the most beloved catastrophes in British screen history. (MGM)
The Animation Show, Vol. 3 Someday, somebody will curate a festival of cutting-edge cartoons without feeling pressed to include any shorts by the phenomenally overrated Bill Plympton. But not today, because this 17-clip compendium has two of them. (MTV)
Flawless Michael Caine is after a bejeweled prize in the 2008 British heist movie that will forever be remembered for not being The Bank Job. We couldn’t get past Demi Moore’s atrocious limey accent in the trailer, but maybe you’re of hardier stock. (Magnolia Pictures)
The Onion Movie: Revealing the Raw Truth The good news: The satirical newspaper’s first film is made up of never-seen sketches, not warmed-over clips from the online Onion News Network. The bad news: That’s because the movie predates the ONN, having sat on the shelf for close to five years. Uh-oh. (20th Century Fox)
Available Tuesday, June 2
Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures The charming Lego Star Wars series proved that even the most tattered George Lucas franchise can find instant re-vindication in building-block form. But a note of warning to Indy co-conspirator Steven Spielberg: Ain’t nobody wishing on a falling star for Lego A.I. (LucasArts Entertainment)
Available Tuesday, June 2
Mongol Composer Tuomas Kantelinen supplies the score for this biography of the infamous Genghis Khan, which was submitted by Kazakhstan in the Foreign Language Film category for the 2008 Academy Awards. Better yet, remember when Captain Kirk got all pissed off at him, rolled his eyes heavenward and bellowed, “Khaaaaaaaan!!???” No offense to the Russian filmmaker, but that was a real movie moment, right there. Whaddaya mean, “No”? (Varese Sarabande)firstname.lastname@example.org