ARIES "Dear Rob: Could you tell me how I can get men to remove me from the pedestals they put me on? If something doesn't change soon, I'll have to call down the lightning and obliterate their delusions. Sorry if that sounds violent, but storms start building when I feel cramped by demands disguised as love. — Over-Idolized." Dear Over-Idolized: Good news! You've entered a phase that will be favorable for shattering naive projections and unrealistic expectations. You'll also be skilled at escaping neediness that feels like a straitjacket.
TAURUS When 46 English scholars completed their translation of the King James Bible in 1610, William Shakespeare was 46 years old. In their version of Psalm 46, the 46th word from the beginning is "shake" and the 46th word from the end is "spear." Coincidence? I think not. Just as it's no accident that a minute ago I finished reading Psalm 46 and am now composing your horoscope for the period that begins February 15, which is the 46th day of the year. As I write, I'm sitting in a cafe located at 46 Cabrillo Highway in Half Moon Bay, Calif. The people at the table next to me are celebrating their friend's 46th birthday, and out the window I can see a runway where there's a small plane with a 46 painted on its side. My conclusion? 46 is your lucky number, and you're about to harvest about 46 tons of eerily delightful synchronicities.
GEMINI You seem to be suffering from a metaphysical version of jet lag. Maybe it's because you've been stretching your boundaries with such vigor. Or maybe it's because you've been engaging in a form of time travel, exploring the past and future in your dreams and fantasies. In any case, you can take comfort in the knowledge that the warps and tweaks you're dealing with are the results of your brave choices. Congratulations as well for having churned up the most useful riddles you've had to ponder since you jumped out of your skin last year.
CANCER I expect you'll soon be communing with sore spots and delicate feelings. Allergies may be featured prominently as well. People might be extra-ticklish, sometimes to the point of irritability. And yet all the squirming will actually be a good sign. It'll mean that one of your most confounding contradictions is close to being resolved. For best results, act decisively at the moment when your vulnerability is most intense.
LEO Imagine this scene. You're so dehydrated you feel faint. Yet you're walking along the bank of a river. You seem oblivious to the surging force of nature just a few yards away. Are you so preoccupied with your suffering that you're blind to the very source that would end your suffering? Up ahead you see a man holding a glass of water. You run to him and beg him to let you drink. He agrees. Gratefully, you guzzle, then thank him profusely. As you walk away, he calls after you, "By the way, there's a lot more water over there," and he points to the river. Do you hear him? If so, do you believe him? Or do you keep walking, hoping to find another man with another glass?
VIRGO It's time to take down the "Under Construction" signs and clean up the messes from your works in progress. At least for now, your heart has lost its drive for further renovation and rehabilitation. Whether you think you're ready or not, it's time for a grand reopening. I suggest you offer free toasters or other incentives to pull in new clients, as well as to coax disaffected old ones into returning. It may also help to put up an "Under New Management" sign.
LIBRA "What have you learned so far this year?" I asked my newsletter's readers recently. "I've learned that asking for what I want is the first step toward actually getting it," wrote Sarah Pearson. "And I've learned that the journey you take to try and escape your fate can be as interesting as the fate itself." Of all the lessons I'd love you to learn in the first half of 2007, those two are my favorites.
SCORPIO "My God, these folks don't know how to love," wrote D.H. Lawrence, "that's why they love so easily." He certainly wasn't referring to you. You find it easy to entertain gusts of lust, but you're too smart about real love to dive casually into its mysteries. You want to be a perpetual student who's in awe of the primal power of deep attraction. You know that no matter how sweet and light love may sometimes feel, it always has the potential to sweep you into the unpredictable depths and change everything forever. Meditate further on these matters; it'll prepare you for the coming weeks.
SAGITTARIUS You want hot gold secrets to ripen in your dark candy soul? Then here's what you do: Study the ocean's memory for its teachings about moon victories. Extract a fresh green why from the book of storms you dreamed about. When the flowers' clouds soar over your shadow, and when night's funny sky has turned into warm moist roars, you'll know exactly how to look through the sun to the other side of your best fear. (The preceding horoscope may sound crazily lyrical, even poetically feral, but it's a perfect embodiment of the attitude you should cultivate in order to have a successful week.)
CAPRICORN I was watching Oprah's TV show at 2 a.m. "Take off your shirt and look down," she told me. I don't automatically do everything the World's Wealthiest Woman tells me, but I trust her, so I did what she suggested. What she said next revealed that she wasn't actually talking to me. "Eight out of 10 women are wearing the wrong bra!" she exclaimed. "Are you?" She then gave tips on how to select a bra that's just right for a woman's shape, size and posture. I watched in perplexed awe. How could so many people be ignorant about such a fundamental thing? Later, while meditating on your astrological omens, I realized there's a comparable phenomenon going on in your world. You're missing something important about one of the basic facts of your life. Please find out what it is.
AQUARIUS In solidarity with eternal flux and in the name of all that's both rowdy and holy, I hereby declare change to be a good thing. Furthermore, in accordance with the astrological omens, I announce that change is especially healthy for you right now. Change is not only not a bad thing, it's downright wonderful. So let's rise up bravely, you and I, and proclaim that change is the essential nature of the universe — that it's one of the most prominent and resplendent qualities of God herself. From now until forevermore, let's agree to celebrate change, to welcome it, to revere it — starting this week. Amen, namasté, blessed be, shalom and hallelujah!
PISCES I believe you're climbing up out of the primordial ooze for the last time. You're done! Never again will you be fully immersed in the stinky depths of hell on earth! Never again will moody despair comprise more than 49 percent of your worldview. From now on, you will be smarter about how to avoid unnecessary pain and misery. You will also be a better escape artist. Now go buy yourself a graduation present.