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In God they don't trust



The Baptists are going! The Baptists are going! Yes, yes, it's old news, but no one seems concerned that the Baptists are going to stay away in droves from all Disney products. Soon you will overhear the following at your local Blockbuster: "But Mommy, I really, really want to see that video!" "Now, son, you know that video's nothing more than pornography intended to raise money to give insurance to hell-bound homosexuals." "'Might Ducks 3' is pornography?" And, while the rental success of Emilio Estevez is one thing, the boycott's prolonged effect on Disney World and the local tourism economy could become pressing. It's time we all looked toward attracting other groups. Having driven away the religious, maybe we need to turn to the irreligious. Last week Central Florida made some headway by hosting a convention of atheists. With only slight modification, Disney World could rival the Hale-Bopp comet for attracting godless visitors. The trick is not to build new attractions, but rather alter those in existence. With true separation of church and state, the Magic Kingdom's Liberty Square would lose its current near-holy depiction of America. The Hall of Presidents would have more of a bent on civil liberties with Larry Flynt in the Lincoln seat. Throughout the parks, the happy-go-lucky Mickey now prevalent could be swapped for the demonically possessed "Sorcerer's Apprentice" Mickey from "Fantasia." And playing off that same film's pastorale sequence, Mickey's Playland could become Mickey's Bacchanalia and Pagan Worship Shrine. And don't overlook the possibilities of previously untried tie-ins from the movies. Anyone for a spin on Mr. "Priest's" Wild Ride? Anyone?