News & Features » Dog Playing Poker

Mother's Day Cards From Dr. Laura

by

comment

Why should Maya Angelou and Hallmark have all the fun? Celebrity greetings reach a new plateau of inspiration with these ...

0508_01jpg

Just not on the phone, in my mailbox or within a thousand miles of my physical person.

But that's O.K. I'm fine. Really.
Enjoy the Snickers bar.
You've earned it.




0508_02jpg

 




0508_03jpg

If they think I'm a monster
I'll say it's all YO' fault!
Happy Mother's Day!




0508_04jpg

... takes a real mother.




0508_05jpg

To atone for my sins without
admitting them.
To reduce complex problems to
reactionary homilies.
That the Satanic scourge of
contraceptives can never dim the power
of prayer and pulling out.
But most of all, that life is so much
simpler when you leave that "family
values" jazz at the office.

God bless you ... from the bottom of my bank account.




0508_06jpg

... and that's why I didn't grow up to be
a baby botherer, sheep shagger or butt
pirate. Thanks for at least preserving
the integrity of my DNA.




0508_07jpg

... and no one can talk to a
corpse, of course.

But if I could, I'd wish you a
day filled with snuggles and
rainbows.

Have the best holiday
circumstances
will allow.




We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Orlando Weekly. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Orlando Weekly, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at feedback@orlandoweekly.com.

Orlando Weekly works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Central Florida.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Orlando’s true free press free.