Opening this week: Once Were Brothers: Robbie Robertson and The Band My favorite-ever posting to The Onion followed the death of Gene Siskel, and consisted of merely two words: "Ebert triumphant." Yes, the survivors get to write the history books – and sometimes make the documentaries, as in the case of this career memoir by Robbie Robertson, now nearly the only surviving member of the Band. But if Robertson's depiction of the group's highs and lows strikes you as self-serving, just imagine how insufferable that Eagles doc would have been if Glenn Frey had been the last desperado standing. (R; opens Friday at Enzian Theater, Maitland)
Onward Pixar seems to have developed a thing these days for stories about dead relatives. Coco showed us how Mexicans grieve, and now the studio introduces us to a pair of elfin brothers who try to bring their dad back from the dead, but only succeed in resurrecting his legs. Reminds me of that old Gilbert Gottfried routine in which he said he was dating Molly Ringwald, but just her head. Come to think of it, when are we going to get a movie based on that? (PG)
Spenser Confidential Remember the old Robert Urich TV show Spenser: For Hire? Well, it was based on a series of detective novels that's been going on for decades. Now the franchise reaches the screen, with Mark Wahlberg in the title role. The movie is loosely based on the 2013 Spenser entry Wonderland – "loosely" meaning that the book supplied the main characters' names, but not any of their actual attributes, or any plot details whatsoever. As Ahlamalik Williams said to Madonna, "Wow, that is loose." (R)
The Way Back Ben Affleck portrays a former high-school basketballer who has crawled into a bottle, but has to find it within himself to crawl back out when he's offered a job coaching his old school's team. If you've been reading your gossip sites, you know Affleck was so committed to playing the part correctly that he became an alcoholic himself! Damn, son: Even Christian Bale would have settled for a mild whippet habit or something. (R)
Greed Filmmaker Michael Winterbottom reteams with star Steve Coogan for this satirical portrait of a British fashion mogul who's headed for his 60th birthday having amassed nearly as many bankruptcies as years. The New York Post seemed offended by the film on a philosophical level, decrying its critique of capitalism as "mean," "fake" and "self-righteous." Then somebody served Rupert Murdoch a dirty martini made from orphans' tears, and all was again calm. (R)
Also playing: Impractical Jokers: The Movie TruTV's quartet of wildly popular mischief-makers have made the leap to the multiplex. Another series of ridiculous put-up jobs is framed by a scripted narrative in which the boys compete for invitations to a party at Paula Abdul's place. The loser's fate: having to go to Abdul's place twice. (PG-13; playing at Universal Cinemark at CityWalk, Cobb Plaza Cinema Café 12 and Epic Theatres at Lee Vista)
– This story appears in the March 4, 2020, print issue of Orlando Weekly. Stay on top of Central Florida news and views with our weekly newsletters.