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Opening in Orlando: ‘Dawn of the Planet of the Apes’

Movies opening in Orlando theaters this week

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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes For a while there, it looked as if Jonah Hill was going to be this summer’s runway winner in the category of Saying Stupid Shit In Public Just As Your Big Movie Is About To Come Out. But then Gary Oldman unloaded to Playboy about the sheer, unendurable oppression of being unable to call a fag a fag and a Jew a Jew, and we had a new front-runner in the Emergency Hairshirt Olympics – as well as an answer to the question “What could possibly keep a Rob Ford apology off the front page?” Meanwhile, the apology I want to hear Oldman make is for having mentioned David Bowie in the same breath as Charles Flippin’ Krauthammer when the question was “Who speaks the truth in this culture, in your opinion?” Anyway, Fox is hoping all the fags and Jews out there are sufficiently swayed by Oldman’s show of penance that they’ll still go see Dawn, the second installment in the studio’s grand quest to reboot the aspects of the original Apes franchise that nobody gave an especial shit about. In this one, Oldman is part of a band of human relics trying to stay alive in a world that’s fallen into the hands of filthy primates. Geez, what would a Krauthammer reader know about that feeling? (Deliciously unfortunate trailer moment: Oldman’s histrionically panicked “That’s a helluva lot more than 80!” Yes, Harvey Weinstein, he’s talking about you people.) (PG-13) – Steve Schneider

Also playing

Transformers: Age of Extinction The fourth installment of a franchise that’s gotten progressively worse with each movie. This time, some of the Transformers have facial expressions, which is about it as far as “improvements” go. Expectedly packed with action, the movie is a relentless, overwhelming, tiresome assault on the senses and some of the things that occur in it are inexplicably dumb. (PG-13) – Dan Hudak

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