OPENING THIS WEEK:
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword If this thing is a hit, Warner Bros. will have pulled off a feat impressive enough to make yanking a sword from a stone look like flossing. Guy Ritchie's revisionist take on the Arthurian legend has been delayed more times now than he'd care to count, under the cover of every conceivable excuse (take advantage of the European vacation season; avoid the European ISIS season). The portents were strong and ominous that Ritchie was going to find considerably less success with Good King Artie than he had with Sherlock Holmes, and was instead about to offer up both the latest Warner dog and this year's Mythology Reboot Nobody Could Be Convinced to Give a Shit About. But then some advance screenings in late April reached capacity so quickly that 50 extra theaters had to be added, and hopefuls were still being turned away. Maybe Merlin had reached into his robe and waved his wand in the direction of the entire affair, because it suddenly seemed as if a great many folks indeed were interested in seeing Ritchie portray the fabled boy king as a common hooligan headed toward a messy rendezvous with destiny. Only opening day will tell the full and final story, but I think I speak for quite a few people when I say it's going to take a lot to make me forget Graham Chapman. (PG-13)
Lowriders Thank God the media have caught on to the rich diversity and profitability of the Latino market, so we can now have an entire feature-length drama based on a sight gag from Up in Smoke. Telemundo and co-star Eva Longoria helped bring us this portrait of a street artist whose forays into east L.A.'s car culture put him in the middle of a struggle between his criminal brother and his straight-arrow dad. Developed from an original idea by renowned vato Brian Grazer. (PG-13)
A Quiet Passion Terence Davies (The House of Mirth, The Deep Blue Sea) directs Cynthia Nixon in a biography of the great poet Emily Dickinson. "An absolute drop-dead masterwork," says The New Yorker. " "Delicate and measured," says The Arizona Republic. "Can't wait to see Kim Cattrall as Edna St. Vincent Millay!" says Perez Hilton. (PG-13)
Snatched The lukewarm reaction to Amy Schumer's recent Netflix special indicates that the bloom may be off that particular cooch. But even if the mother-daughter comedy Snatched doesn't end up representing a return to form, we should all feel grateful to it for ensuring that Goldie Hawn will not die with The Banger Sisters as the last item on her résumé. Plus, we're getting it at the same time Kurt Russell is back on screens in Cardigans of the Galaxy 2! Throw in a new Black Crowes record, and we'd have ourselves a nostalgic trip back to that moment in time when the multi-generational coolness of one family gave us all hope for what we ourselves could attain in our personal lives. Wait a minute – that means we'd have to endure another Kate Hudson picture. Never mind. (R)
Also playing:
Norman: The Moderate Rise and Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer Richard Gere hooks an Israeli national up with a fine-ass pair of shoes, then prepares to cash in when the guy gets elected prime minister. But their relationship proves to be a lot more complicated and controversial than one hand simply washing the other. (See, Gere would never have to face that kind of dilemma with the Dalai Lama. Because that guy doesn't even wear shoes, amirite?) Variety calls the film a Jewish House of Cards. Which I guess makes it House of Canasta. (R)
