- '21 and Over'
21 and Over Here's your proof that Hollywood has officially gone Hangover crazy. Having seemingly applied its lost-time premise to every demographic group under the sun, the City of Ideas shows that there's one bunch we all forgot: kids! Or "incipient adults," to be precise, here meaning a pack of slavering manchildren who embark on an ill-advised romp the day before one of them has to put on his best face for med school. The script is by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore, the writers of the original Hangover; they also got to direct for the first time, which tells you everything you need to know about the true value of your film-school education. (R) – Steve Schneider
Jack the Giant Slayer In between lousing up The Munsters and retreating to the safe, familiar confines of the X-Men franchise, Bryan Singer sees what he can do to the legend of Jack and the Beanstalk. This being the era of the bloodied-up fairy tale, it's now a story of epic battles between a race of gargantuan monsters and the little people they oppress. (Kinda like the Obama years, amirite Tea Partiers?) And this being Bryan Singer, it probably moves slower than molasses going uphill in January and has more shafts of golden sunlight than a Michelob commercial. (PG-13) – SS
The Last Exorcism Part II Something else you need to know about the modern movie industry: This title is not in any way considered ridiculous. Because in a world where we all eagerly await the follow-up to the absolutely positively final Twilight flick, what's a little liberal reimagining of the adjective "last" between friends? As this sequel commences, our put-upon heroine can't remember the details of the ordeal she underwent last time – which should open the door to all manner of creatively repurposed footage if new director Ed Gass-Donnelly knows his Budgeting 101. (PG-13) – SS
Phantom The ever-great Ed Harris stars in a suspense thriller about a Soviet submarine commander whose tenuous grasp on reality doesn't prevent him from taking on a dangerous initiative that could end life as we know it. (Kind of like the Tea Party, amirite Obama voters?) If that setup doesn't have you reaching for the car keys, try this on for size: David Duchovny as a KGB agent. What are you gonna tell your grandchildren if you miss that? (R) – SS