(2010-281105) 1:13 a.m.: Two men in latex gloves burst into a house in the 3800 block of Johnson Street and ransacked it. They shot one guy in the leg and fled before they got any icky germs.
(2010-281359) 5 a.m.: Someone drove through the front doors of SAS Shoes on East Colonial Drive, doing $5,000 damage. They took the cash register and six pairs of sandals, priced around $129 per pair. Silly thieves. If they'd waited for next week's sale, they could have stolen them for $49.99 each.
(2010-281347) 6:50 a.m.: Somebody cut into storage buildings at Landform of Central Florida on Dobson Street and took 100 pieces of lawn equipment, including 20 backpack blowers. Should be easy to find; just check outside your bedroom window at 6 a.m.
(2010-282048) 7:30 a.m.: A thirst that wouldn't wait snagged two bottles of water and two of juice from a carport freezer in the 600 block of Engel Drive.
(2010-282128) 5:35 p.m.: A naked man was seen wandering Worthington Ridge Road in Sanctuary Subdivision, apparently for the second time. How detailed is that description?
(2010-282312) 6 p.m.: More than 340 frilly underthings disappeared somehow from Victoria's Secret in Orlando Fashion Square Mall, but we got away with it. Uh, that is, some unknown perv did.;
(2010-283135) 6:08 a.m.: A 10-foot truck was stolen from the U-Haul Center at Baldwin Park on East Colonial Drive. It had Arizona plates, so its papers were suspect anyway.
(2010-283241) 8:30 a.m.: Someone rummaged around in Fresh Med Spa on North Mills Avenue, took various spa products and left to revel in luxury.
(2010-284444) 10 p.m.: A couple of guys said someone got into their apartment – leaving no trace as to how – in the 7300 block of Westpointe Boulevard and made $10,600 in computer and electronic gear disappear into the ether.
(2010-284520) 10:23 p.m.: A cleaning lady at Regions Bank on South Orange Avenue got mugged as she took out the trash. She bought her two assailants off with an ATM cash withdrawal, though one thug kept urging the other to shoot her.;
(2010-285639) 2:23 p.m.: Hearing that five teenagers were breaking into cars at Prime One Outlet Mall on International Drive, police chased two down in nearby woods and tracked the other three to one apartment in The Villages at Millenia. One runner got Tased, but the rest just worked up a sweat. The car owners got back nearly $4,000 worth of stuff.
(2010-285860) 5 p.m.: A bathroom trash can fire at the Ross store on Touchstone Drive was an apparently successful diversion for sneaker theft. Sneaky indeed.
(2010-285997) 5 p.m.: Burly burglars tore $3,900 in appliances out of a house in the 4700 block of Amoy Court, not caring that they did $2,500 damage too.;
(2010-288031) 10:04 p.m.: And a less-successful imitator broke into a utility room on the 1400 block of West Robinson Street and tried to trundle away a washing machine in a shopping cart. Stealth fail.
(2010-288132) 10:32 p.m.: A pizza deliveryman at Fountain Apartments at Lake Orlando on North Lake Orlando Parkway was surprised by a back-seat lurker, who pressed a "metallic object" into his neck and took his wallet and cell phone.;;
(OCSO) 1 a.m.: Deputies think a break-in and sexual battery at Waterside Apartments on Shoals Drive may be the work of the same creep who struck twice nearby, four months ago and 13 months ago.
(2010-288371) 1 a.m.: Four guys with bats and knives ganged up on three others at Bowen Place Apartments on Bowen Drive, robbed them and ran off.
(2010-288730) 2 a.m.: The easygoing guards at the Millenia One Building on Millenia Boulevard will dawdle on reporting your attempted break-in, allowing hours for a leisurely getaway.
(2010-289383) 9:30 a.m.: The rooftop air conditioners at L.A. Fitness on East Michigan Street got a pricey workout. Whoever stole copper from them did $25,000 damage.;
(2010-290241) 6:15 a.m.: Two guys forced their way into a house in the 3200 block of Split Willow Drive, hit the resident with a gun and took cash and a computer. Orange County deputies found their (stolen) car at a 7-Eleven as the robbers dropped their gun and ran.
(2010-291230) 10:39 p.m.: A woman who was snoozin' got some abusin' outside a house in the 400 block of West Colonial Drive; a man punched and kicked her in the face and snatched her purse.;
(2010-291471) 6:11 p.m.: A woman claimed she was forced off the road and sexually assaulted by three men in the 5000 block of Rosamond Drive, but her story didn't match the evidence. Cops said she admitted making it all up to get her cheating boyfriend back. Maybe he'll have more sympathy for a jailbird.; email@example.com