(2010-243732) 1:50 a.m.: Two guys acquired a 2006 Suzuki "by use of fists" alone, waling on a couple near Sunlite Grocery on North Parramore Avenue. Bonus swings brought them the man's wallet and cell phone.
(2010-244235) 9:25 a.m.: A tubby guy with spiky hair and loud clothes rummaged around in the drawers at Lee Nails & Spas in the 8700 block of Lee Vista Boulevard. We hope he found some fashion sense.
(2010-244299) 10 a.m.: For the second time in five days, someone tried to snag copper wiring out of the electrical boxes at ABC Business Center on Edgewater Drive.
(2010-246660) 4 p.m.: A computer, speakers and flat-screen TV walked off from a house in the 5600 block of Sanibel Street. Accomplices are suspected.
(2010-245276) 9:52 p.m.: Cops saw a man tooling past the Family Dollar store on West Gore Street with a shopping cart full of copper wire. He admitted getting a five-finger discount but wouldn't name his supplier.
(2010-246982) 11:05 p.m.: A man invited three people to his house in the 5900 block of Navajo Way, seeking to amicably "resolve a conflict stemming from a traffic crash." When they got there, one guy punched the man while another stole his pickup. At least one side's satisfied.
(2010-245733) 3:27 a.m.: One man approached another at the corner of 19th Street and South Parramore Avenue and offered to sell him "iron." Urban Dictionary tells us that he was trying to sell a gun — and when his target refused, the guy briefly held his merchandise to the man's head. Now that's a hard sell.
(2010-246422) 12:30 p.m.: A man came into Advance America on North Orange Blossom Trail carrying a white box, said there was a bomb in it and drove off with some money. Perhaps they should clarify the requirements for "cash advance."
(2010-249425) 12:50 a.m.: Two guys in a Jeep stole the copper out of an $8,000 air conditioner at Ivey Lane Elementary on Silverton Street.
(2010-249590) 4 a.m.: One man led another behind an abandoned house on West Amelia Street, near the Greyhound Bus Station. He tried to rob his follower and gave him several cuts with a knife, but the victim didn't want to press charges. We don't really want to know what else was going on here.
(2010-249815) 8:35 a.m.: Someone ransacked the offices of Concord Eastridge developers on West Colonial Drive but left the valuables behind. "It should be noted that the subject(s) did prepare and eat several packs of instant oatmeal," Officer Leroy Alfred informs us. Remember, kids, a good breakfast is an essential start to a day of looting and pillaging.
(2010-249876) 9:30 a.m.: A stolen .38-caliber pistol turned up in a trash can at 7-Eleven on North Orange Blossom Trail. That's not what they mean by "fire and forget."
(2010-259698) 10 a.m.: Called to a car break-in at the 5200 block of Middle Court, police noticed two nearby vehicles had gotten similar treatment.
(2010-250319) 4:24 p.m.: A guy being arrested in the 2800 block of South Orange Avenue feigned passing out, then tried to scoot away when cops took off his handcuffs. Sounds like quite a mess: One officer had "significant exposure" when the man's blood somehow got into the cop's own open wounds.
(2010-249366) 7 p.m.: Prying open a back door in the 500 block of East Kaley Street led to a flat-screen TV and a jewelry box with more than 30 shiny pieces inside. LARPing has gotten out of hand.
(2010-250709) 7 p.m.: Two guys jumped the fence at Floormaster Rug Cleaners on North Dollins Avenue, tossed several potted flowers into a waiting red pickup and took off. Somewhere, Salvador Dali is laughing.
(2010-251343) 1:30 a.m.: Cops were on top of a car theft before the Mercedes' owner realized her house in the 6600 block of Andrea Rose Drive had been burglarized in the same job.
(2010-251246) 1:40 a.m.: Bemused employees of Great Western Meats on Atlanta Drive watched an oblivious man drive up, cut the lock off a meat truck and poke around inside. Police caught the meathead a few blocks away.
(2010-251900) 10 a.m.: Residents in the 4500 block of Lenmore Street complained that their unlocked cars have been looted for the second time in eight months, and they're requesting extra patrols. Or you geniuses could, y'know, lock your freakin' doors.
(2010-252405) Noon: A burgling beginner got scared off from the Nutraceutical Clinic on North Mills Avenue but apparently screwed up the courage to try again the next day — and ignored valuable electronics in favor of some coins in the closet.
(2010-252407) 6:07 p.m.: Someone of doubtful sanity thought the electric meter attached to Insein Motors on West Colonial Drive was enough of a prize to email@example.com