(2010-233979) 2:35 a.m.: Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. would convict you for shouting "Fire!" in a crowded theater, but how about setting fire to an empty office in the 4400 block of East Colonial Drive? Yeah, that too.
(2010-235096) 6:30 p.m.: Someone took four shots at the front door of a house in the 6300 block of Greylynne Street.;;
(2010-236044) 6 a.m.: At Lucerne Plaza on South Lucerne Circle, somebody got over a wall and trashed the air conditioner, taking copper tubes and other parts.
(2010-236668) 11:45 a.m.: Apartment in the 5100 block of Cinderlane Parkway:
Knock, knock. Who's there? Pistol-whipped, tied up and robbed! … Um, that's not funny.
(2010-236595) 5:04 p.m.: Basic rules for burglars: When you break into a house, find out first if there's anything in it. Try not to go in broad daylight; you're easier to arrest that way. And leave your gun and weed at home, or you'll get charged for those too. The guys who hit the 1100 block of West Jackson Street knew none of this.
(2010-236884) 8:30 p.m.: One man lured another into a place in the 1300 block of West Concord Street "with promises of prostitution," but suspected his guest was a cop – so he tortured the hapless hornytoad with a homemade spray-can blowtorch, beat him and took $75. Somehow that convinced him the guy wasn't a cop. But it didn't stop the victim from calling the real thing as soon as he could.
(2010-237032) 10 p.m.: Three masked men burst into a home in the 3100 block of Capri Isle Way, tied up a man and woman, and "interrogated (them) in reference to their employment" before leaving with their valuables. We're baffled.
(2010-237028) 11:25 p.m.: Somebody smashed into the Airport Plaza convenience store on T.G. Lee Boulevard and stole the whole cash register along with Newport cigarettes. Now that's a testimonial to brand loyalty.;;
(2010-237097) 12:33 a.m.: Don't you hate it when the argument's over, you've settled down for a nap on the couch and the other person says, "And another thing …"? For a woman in the 800 block of Don Quixote Avenue, another thing was a knife suddenly jabbed into her chest. But she'll live to argue again.
(2010-237512) 8:30 a.m.: Copper from three rooftop air conditioners at O'Boy's Bar-B-Q on South Orange Avenue went up in smoke.
(2010-237986) 3 p.m.: Someone got into Massey Cadillac Saab on North John Young Parkway, jacked up a Cadillac, took off two left tires and rims and left the rest propped on cinder blocks. The car has been moved to the front lawn of the Georgia Governor's Mansion.;;
(Kissimmee PD) 5:23 p.m.: Osceola Square Mall: "Kissimmee Police working a suspicious package." Sometimes they just write themselves.
(2010-239928) 6:58 p.m.: Two guys walked into Advance Auto Parts on Moss Park Road with white shirts over their faces, took money at gunpoint, and drove off. Maybe they needed laundry money.
(2010-240334) 11:55 p.m.: Three guys with one small razor blade robbed a man of two packs of cigs he'd just bought at Citgo on Lake Underhill Road. They were later reported seeking a lighter while waving toenail clippers, then looking for an ashtray as they brandished a twig.;;
(2010-240403) 12:48 a.m.: Cops checking out a big crowd at a nightclub on South Orange Blossom Trail heard gunshots from the adjacent Discount Auto Parts parking lot. One man was shot in the fingers, which is unpleasant. On the other hand, it could have been worse.
(2010-240479) 1:30 a.m.: While a security guard was at Club Envy on Universal Boulevard, someone grew covetous of the equipment stashed in his car. They secured a 9 mm pistol, bulletproof vest and two radios for their own use.
(2010-241448) 7 p.m.: Somebody swiped a GPS out of a vehicle at La Quinta Motor Inn on North Frontage Road. Its location is now known only to the thief.
(2010-241691) 10:50 p.m.: Somebody broke out a window at Keating Glass on South Division Avenue. Now how are they gonna get that fixed?
(2010-241688) 10:50 p.m.: Two pedicab passengers on International Drive first tried to peddle drugs to the pedaler, and when refused they slapped him around and took his money.;;
(2010-241912) 1:54 a.m.: A man met a woman at a downtown nightclub and let her take the wheel because he was too drunk to drive. On the 408 near Conway Road she must have decided he was too drunk to ride as well because she told him to get out and took off with his car.
(2010-242745) 7 a.m.: Thieves carried out a daring operation at medical offices in the 2800 block of Delaney Avenue, excising the copper from five rooftop air conditioners.; email@example.com