(2009-321588) 9:24 a.m.: A business on Gaston Foster Road had a rough evening. First, someone tried to break in through its front door and fortunately, failed. But then the business had to suffer the indignity of an odd form of graffiti: "Suspect(s) painted a 16-inch-wide-by-7-foot-tall man with a fish on the rear of the building." Officer Yochelson doesn't indicate if these two events are related.
(2009-321932) 1:18 p.m.: A police officer made contact with "suspicious persons" in the 32805. One of them, a 16-year-old boy, took off. When the cops tracked him down, he just so happened to have several baggies of the devil's grass and a loaded handgun. Jail.
(2009-322739) 10:30 p.m.: A woman was walking in a "nice" part of downtown when she was accosted by a guy with a gun, who demanded her jewelry and purse. She obliged, and our gunman hopped into an accomplice's Suzuki SUV and dipped out.
(2009-323290) 7:37 a.m.: Someone broke into a Texaco.
(2009-323344) 8:24 a.m.: Officer Gibson responded to a "residential burglary overwith," whatever that means, and tells us, "Unknown suspect(s) entered unlocked service door to the garage and removed a purple suitcase and three cases of Coca-Cola."
(2009-323356) 8:31 a.m.: "On the above date and time, unknown black suspect took the victim's bag and rode off on a bicycle. The victim `a 25-year-old woman` was able to catch up with the suspect. The two began fighting. The victim was able to fight the suspect off and retrieve her property. The suspect then rode off on the bicycle going southbound on North John Young Parkway. A cordon was established which met with negative results."
(2009-324330) 8:18 p.m.: Officer Cadiz's finely tuned nostrils detected the odor of the ganja during a traffic stop. This is what we call "probable cause," and during his subsequent search Cadiz uncovered a .38-caliber revolver "concealed behind the dashboard faceplate."
(2009-324574) 10:44 p.m.: Two fellas broke into a pediatric dental office and removed a large flat-screen television, and now screaming children won't be able to watch the Teletubbies before having their many candy-induced cavities drilled. Tragic.
(2009-325487) 1:04 p.m.: Copper wire removed from the top of a building on International Drive.
(2009-325583) 2:09 p.m.: Here's that new terminology again: "Officers responded to a residential burglary over with." The back window was smashed out, but nothing appeared to be missing.
(2009-325956) 6:24 p.m.: An unlocked garage plus an unlocked car makes for a rather easy burglary. Fortunately for our home-owner, who was home but heard nothing, the thief only removed a pair of sunglasses and two fishing rods.
(2009-325973) 6:35 p.m.: A day earlier, the cops busted an 18-year-old man on drug charges. Today, they searched his house and discovered pot and drug paraphernalia.
(2009-326132) 8:17 p.m.: This burglar showed ambition: "On the above date and time, suspect(s) entered the residence in Walden Palms and `appear` to have taken everything, all furniture `and` electronics, and most of the appliances."
(2009-326400) 10:19 p.m.: A man was robbed at gunpoint behind a diner.
(2009-326467) 10:51 p.m.: Two men held up a guy for his wallet in front of an apartment complex.
(2009-326746) 1:59 a.m.: Two middle-aged men burglarized a high school. The cops showed up just in time to see them run, so they unleashed the hounds. The copper canines tracked down and bit one suspect; the cops picked up the other walking nearby.
(2009-326820) 2:45 a.m.: "The victims advised they were followed … and were attacked by four unknown Hispanic males with a metal pipe and robbed of their cash."
(2009-326854) 3:05 a.m.: OK, criminals. I see it's time for a little refresher course in what we call "common sense." If you have even a miniscule amount of pot, let alone a healthy chunk of hashish, a bunch of bongs and an "undisclosed amount of cash" (which cops always find suspicious), and if you are currently the suspect in a battery that happened earlier in the evening, it is not a good idea to phone the cops and have them out to your apartment. And if you must, surely the smallest amount of forethought would dictate that you flush the drugs and smash the paraphernalia before letting them inside your house. Just firstname.lastname@example.org