(2009-117065) 9 a.m.: A guy broke into a maintenance shed at an apartment complex and stole tools. Original.
(2009-117403) 1 p.m.: Open garage door, two missing bicycles.
(2009-117404) 1:01 p.m.: Someone stole a range and a fridge from an empty apartment.
(2009-117500) 1:42 p.m.: At the same complex, a washer-dryer combo vanished from another vacant apartment.
(2009-118610) 2:24 a.m.: Stealing from OPD headquarters? That, dear readers, takes balls. Of course, it would have been ballsier had the homeless thief been successful: "An individual/transient was in the rear of OPD at 100 South Hughey Ave. The transient tried the doors of two secured unmarked TAC vehicles and was unsuccessful in getting entry. The individual then proceeded to the rear patrol bay doors and tried to open the patrol bay supply doors and the patrol bay ‘Golf' line up room door" — um, huh? — "and was unsuccessful. The transient was then approached by two OPD officers, threatened them and refused to give them any information. The transient was arrested and charged with two counts of attempted burglary on an occupied structure, two counts of attempted burglary of a conveyance, assault of a law enforcement officer and resisting officer without violence."
Good news: He got a place to sleep for the night.
(Case number missing) 2:56 a.m.: Shooting at a South Orange Avenue apartment. "A total of nine rounds was fired into two separate apartments. Possible suspect known as ‘Black.'?"
(2009-118863) 8:16 a.m.: "Unknown person(s) gained entry into the secured vehicle which was parked in the doctors' parking lot in the southwest corner next to the dumpster. The suspect(s) smashed the passenger window and reached inside and opened the unlocked glove box and removed the victim's wallet/contents and his automatic Beretta 9 mm handgun inside a gun pouch." Officer Glisson also notes that "this is a high transient area," which is to say that a couple of possibly deranged bums are running around with a semi-automatic handgun. Fantastic.
(2009-118988) 9:51 a.m.: This week's copper wire theft comes to you from an air conditioning unit behind a business on West Jersey Street.
(2009-119513) 3:41 p.m.: Officer Geschke, a strapping young lad of 31, claims to have been "battered" by a 70-year-old homeless guy (BTW, what's with all the homeless guys?). "On the above date and time, the arrestee was placed in the interview room. As I was attempting to close the door, the arrestte `sic` battered me by kicking me."
(2009-120564) 1:21 a.m.: "On the listed date and time two unknown suspects entered the apartment through the rear door by breaking the glass. The resident locked himself in the rear bedroom and did not get a good look at the suspects. … Nothing appears to have been taken."
(2009-120665) 2:35 a.m.: Ah, the Roxy Nightclub; can't imagine the cops ever end up there. While some cops were responding to another cop's call, Officer Rine "was pushed from behind by a black male wearing a black tank top and jeans." Don't these nightclubs have dress codes? Anyway, jail.
(2009-121539) 5:35 p.m.: Cocaine.
(2009-121820) 8:35 p.m.: The cops tried to arrest a burglar, but he jumped out of a window and escaped.
(2009-122444) 2:49 a.m.: Traffic stop turns up two handguns and one arrest.
(2009-122493) 3:34 a.m.: "On the above date and time, the suspect burglarized the Millenia Plaza. The suspect was apprehended on March 15 for the same thing." Recidivism rears its ugly head.
(2009-122513) 3:51 a.m.: "On the above date and time an unknown black male hid inside `a Circle K`. When everyone left, he came out. He had two hours to gather belongings. The suspect broke out a window to exit and ran towards Tangelo Park." (2009-122590) 6:20 a.m.: A woman was approached by two men with handguns demanding money. That "met with negative results," as Officer Mays put it. They took off.
(2009-123052) 3:12 p.m.: "An unknown black male juvenile, known in the area as `redacted`, ignited a tank top underneath the gazebo at Willow Park. At this time, the true identity …." And that's all you get.
(2009-123592) 10:20 p.m.: Let's see if we can fill in the blanks: "I conducted a traffic stop on the vehicle. The subject was arrested for possession of cocaine and destruction of evidence. The subject was transported to `local hospital`."email@example.com