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Police Beat

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Feb. 21

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(2009-85750) 10:41 p.m.: Last week, I told you how some dude jacked a pair of car seats out of a Honda S2000. Turns out, according to one loyal reader, such thefts are hardly uncommon: "According to a friend who owns a Honda S2000, the seats are stolen quite often. They are apparently exclusive to this model and worth thousands of dollars, whether from the manufacturer or on Amazon or eBay. My question to him was, why own a car with a high rate of parts-theft? He had no answer other than he just really wanted it."

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On with the show. If you have a broken taillight – or if you have 3.5 grams of crack, 50 plastic baggies and some razor blades inside your car – you may not want to have a "white substance" in "plain view" when you get pulled over. Just saying.

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Feb. 22

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(2009-86443) 9:52 a.m.: I've never met anyone who actually enjoys Little Caesars pizza. I mean, I've met plenty of people who'll eat it: people who are poor; stoners in need of some quick munchies and that's the closest slice around; or people who simply don't know better. But I've never met anyone who wakes up and says, "I want Little Caesars today."

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I guess enough people eat there to keep these joints in business through the recession, though, because there's money for someone to steal. At the Little Caesars on Lee Vista Boulevard, whatever pimple-faced teenager who was supposed to close the joint overnight left the back doors unlocked, and our thief waltzed in and used an "unknown object" to drag the safe away.

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(2009-87158) 8:31 p.m.: Did you know Orlando has a Dominican Independence Festival? You do now. At this year's event, a 19-year-old tried to break into a car and steal it, but a cop caught him in the act. Jail.

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(2009-86911) 5:07 p.m.: A 21-year-old tried to run over his ex-girlfriend and 1-year-old daughter in the parking lot of a Big Lots. Can you say "trailer park"?

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Feb. 23

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(2009-87751) 7:21 a.m.: First your old lady makes you sleep on the couch, then someone breaks in and steals your cell phone and wallet. Bad night.

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(2009-87785) 7:52 a.m.: Someone set fire to a trash can at an elementary school.

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(Case number missing) 8:09 a.m.: Someone broke into a private school office and stole a digital camera.

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(2009-88551) 5:17 p.m.: Our perp didn't take your ordinary five-finger discount from a pharmacy. Instead, he stole stuff from the employee office.

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(2009-88569) 5:28 p.m.: A perv tried to pick up an 8-year-old boy in Parramore. The boy got away.

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Feb. 24

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(2009-89248) 1:24 a.m.: Someone tried to break into an injury rehab facility, but an alarm scared them off.

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(2009-89616) 8:41 a.m.: A perp tried to break into a dentist's office, but failed.

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(Case number missing) 9:18 a.m.: A guy broke into a walk-in clinic and stole "medication vials," a portable refrigerator and a large television. I'm guessing he had help.

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(2009-89858) 11:28 a.m.: This week's copper-wire theft happened at a storage facility on South Orange Avenue.

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(2009-89899) 11:59 a.m.: Unknown suspect(s) broke open six office doors and stole two laptops.

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(2009-90674) 8:08 p.m.: Who's a bigger fail than Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal? Perhaps this guy: "On the above date and time, unknown person(s) tried to pry the front door but was unsuccessful." OK, Jindal's a bigger fail.

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Feb. 25

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(2009-91314) 4:56 a.m.: "Two unknown suspects entered through an unlocked kitchen window and removed a camera and two planters while the home was occupied."

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(2009-91540) 8:48 a.m.: A guy broke into a Walgreens and stole a ;bottle of Grey Goose.

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(2009-91662) 10:31 a.m.: A man broke into a house on Waymeyer Drive. The owner, who was upstairs, yelled that she had a gun, and the perp took off. Easy enough.

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(2009-91669) 10:38 a.m.: Someone tried to break into an apartment, but couldn't kick down the door.

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(2009-91689) 11 a.m.: A few doors down, a (the same?) guy tried to kick in another door, but fled when the occupant approached him.

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(2009-92082) 3:28 p.m.: Over on South Kirkman Road, a guy broke into a business and stole cash and "dining cards."

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(2009-92370) 6:37 p.m.: A guy broke into a house and stole a TV, PlayStation and jewelry. Officer Moore observes, "The suspect(s) appeared to be wearing black latex gloves, as one was left behind."

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(2009-92832) 11:55 p.m.: Somebody smashed the rear windows of parked ;patrol cars.

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I probably shouldn't find that funny.

;; jbillman@orlandoweekly.com

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