JAN. 17, 4:40 A.M.: Most Orlandoans are still facedown in their pillows, snoozing, at such hours. But this early morn, at least one nerdy ne'er-do-well was up and at 'em.
A 32-year-old man cozily slumbered at home in the 100 block of West Princeton Street until a noise emanating from the living room scared him silly. He dragged himself from beneath the sheets to investigate and was not pleased with the spectacle awaiting. Scattered across his living-room floor were numerous DVDs. The following items were reported missing, according to police reports: an Xbox 360, more than 400 DVDs, a wallet with debit card and ID, a CD tower, an NBA game, a Star Trek game, an Ultimate Alliance game, a Star Wars game, a Gears of War game and a wireless headset.
Holy Picard! Some sci-fi-lovin' criminal trekked off with close to $1,800 worth of gaming goodies and flicks before sunrise. As for the victim, it's likely that he'll be spending the remainder of his lifetime attempting to reconstruct such a vast cinematic stockpile.
JAN. 20, 11:27 P.M.: Moving on to yet another nighttime burglary, a 49-year-old lady was catching some Z's at her home in the 4100 block of Kirkland Boulevard when she too awoke with a peculiar feeling. Her bedroom lighting and the glow of the television brightened the room when she popped her peepers open.
This time, however, the victim would not awake to a living room trashed with movies left behind by burglars. Her surprise was much more startling: someone crouched on the floor, right next to her mattress. She instinctively pulled the sheets off her bed to reveal a woman's head tucked neatly beneath the blankies. What did she do next? Scream, of course.
The croucher jumped to her feet and ran out a sliding glass door, into the night and away from the wailing woman. According to police reports, the victim said "she has seen the suspect before because she combed out her hair but does not know her name." What's more, the victim says she is missing $200 from her purse on the dresser.
So this is what you get in return for combing out a gal pal's lady locks? What a crappy — and creepy — friend.
JAN. 21, 8:30 A.M.: Some time early this morning a suspect or suspects were up to no good, for no good reason, in the 4500 block of South Semoran Boulevard.
A burglar or burglars chose a store that sells cell phones as a target and proceeded to smash in the glass front door with a mystery object, causing $300 worth of damage.
What goodies and Motorola morsels waited inside? Display shelves stocked with Samsung cells, Razr rewards and Verizon vittles? Yes, but the suspect(s) tried extracting a Dell Dimensions E521 computer — not a bad grab, valued at approximately $468 to $909. Except the loser(s) left it behind, according to police reports: "The CPU was found behind the store's counter and the power cable along with two USB cables were removed from the PC. For some unknown reason, the computer was left there and was not taken."
Sucks for that suspect.Sucks for that suspect.
JAN. 24, 6:57 A.M.: At some point during the night, a mysterious perp or perps slipped inside a popular Western-style buffet located in the 2300 block of South Semoran, through a side entrance. Mmm: thick, juicy steaks, pizza with all the toppings and a dessert bar even equipped with a bucket full o' candy corn? This is a tasty treat most burglars couldn't resist, but tonight's had no appetite for such fare.
After cleverly ripping electrical wires off the wall and disabling the building's alarm system and lighting, all of the buffet's vending machines were broken into. Yes, amid darkness, the suspect(s) heisted $100 worth of coins from the machines. Damage to the machines is estimated to be approximately $2,500, police reports state, which roughly equals the cost of 227 buffet dinners.
JAN. 24, 6:28 P.M.: Some suspects are looking for Star Trek gameware and others are in need of loose change to help pay the rent. But some suspects are clearly on the lookout for more important items — like doorknobs.
An unknown suspect or suspects removed a single doorknob from a vacant house in the 8620 block of Warwick Shore Crossing and damaged another one. With doorknob in hand, the person or persons fled into the firstname.lastname@example.org