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May 21, 3:18 a.m.: On the 900 block of South Orange Blossom Trail, officer Hinkles was flagged down by a 35-year-old pseudo-victim who reported being attacked by between three and five males who punched, kicked and shot him with a pellet gun. The victim told police the mini-gang took his tan wallet containing $100 in cash, a Social Security card and a Georgia driver's license. But the victim was uncooperative, refused to write a statement and didn't want to press charges. Then why flag down police?

May 22, 5:28 p.m.: A 25-year-old victim arrived home after a long day to discover someone had plucked all of his pimp gear. Officer Coleman arrived on the 4200 block of Rose Coral Drive to scrutinize the scene: "My investigation revealed unknown suspect(s) gained entry into the apartment possibly utilizing a key. There were no signs of forced entry or pry marks to the apartment." After rummaging through the apartment, the suspects took five pair of tennis shoes valued at $435; a bracelet valued at $1,000; two diamond rings valued at $2,000; two diamond earrings, valued at $1,200; a Rolex watch worth $2,500, and a pair of gold teeth valued at $200. Total haul: $7,335.

The victim advised police that he has only lived in the apartment for a month and he does not have enemies that he is aware of. Welcome to Orlando.

May 22, 6:57 p.m.: Jeep owners beware: someone's out doing a hack & slash. Officer Williams responded to a vehicle burglary on the 4500 block of Lighthouse Circle. Our 34-year-old victim found that someone broke into his Jeep by slashing the front passenger window "with an unknown object," reports state. In addition, the perp(s) also unlatched his hood. Nothing appeared to be missing or damaged, other than the window valued at $100.

May 23, 11:00 a.m.: Officer Zedick met with a 45-year-old complainant in reference to graffiti left after someone burglarized a locked and secured bank under construction in the 4800 block of New Broad Street, reports state.

Once inside the bank, the perp(s) went crazy with a spray can and marker, leaving the letters "AVD" on the walls along with a three-pointed crown and a picture of an elephant. They also drew a bean with a face, arms and legs on both the wall and the door to the ladies' restroom. Even more puzzling, they wrote the word "cool" and drew a picture of what appeared to be a button underneath the elephant.

Pure speculation here, but we may have a roving band of frustrated art-school vandals on our hands.

May 23, 12:00 p.m.: Officer Yochelson responded to a commercial burglary on the 500 block of West Pine Street. It appears our 40-year-old victim, who was reviewing security footage from when he was on vacation between May 15 and May 20, received an eyeful of someone trying to steal and/or tamper with his vehicle-mounted security camera: "`The victim` discovered looking at the video surveillance tape that an unknown black male, wearing a beige T-shirt, that has an unknown type tattoo on the under side of his left arm, was tampering with the video camera, which was attached to the windshield `of one of his vehicles`."

The perp didn't stop with the first vehicle; he moved to another (with another camera) and tampered with the wiring to the camera in that vehicle too.

Mysteriously, nothing appeared to be damaged or missing from either vehicle.

May 24, 8:22 a.m.: Officer Spagnola met with a 50-year-old complainant who said her establishment, located in the 3000 block of Curry Ford Road, had been relieved of its safe sometime between 9 p.m. May 23 and 8:15 a.m. May 24. The perp(s) entered the building by unknown means, but caused $25 worth of damage prying open the office door where the safe lay.

The free-standing safe, a seemingly small heist at approximately 18 inches by 24 inches, held a small treasure. The safe had $2,500 cash, 500 blank checks drawn on a Wachovia Bank account belonging to the business, a debit card, miscellaneous paperwork, a vehicle title, a school stamp and a deposit stamp. Nothing else was stolen or disturbed at the business.

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