April 2, 11:36 a.m.: Not to blame the victim, but this case is wrong in so many ways.
Officer Campbell met with the victim, a 28-year-old woman, in the 900 block of West Livingston Street in reference to a residential burglary. According to the police report, the victim "stated unknown person(s) gained entry to the occupied residence between 2200 hours on 4/1/06 and 1130 hours on 4/2/06. The victim stated that she left the residence and when she did so, she locked her bedroom, which is on the north side of the residence. The other occupants of the residence were in their rooms (approximately seven children sleeping) and when `the victim` returned she noticed someone had broken the north window to her bedroom. The unknown person(s) used an unknown tool to break the window above both of the locks, allowing them to reach inside and unlock the window."
Seven children home alone? Good thing they didn't wake up … think of the perp(s)' reaction!
The report continues, "Once inside the room, the suspect(s) removed a candle from its original position to the mouse pad on the computer desk and lit this candle, possibly for illumination. The suspect(s) removed $300 in cash that was located on the computer desk and approximately $2,000 worth of miscellaneous jewelry that was in a cup on a shelf on the computer desk. The suspect(s) also removed a large plastic container containing approximately $400 in change that was sitting near the closet on the south side of the room. Nothing else appeared to be missing or disturbed."
The victim did find a towel under the bedroom window she believes belongs to the suspect, so there's that. But overall, it was quite a heist: $2,700 in total losses and another $200 in damages. And not one of the seven kids woke up.
April 3, 9:03 a.m.: Sometimes you're better off paying a false alarm fee.
In the 4500 block of North Orange Blossom Trail, Officer Burch responded to burglary reports: "Upon arrival, I met with the `42-year-old` complainant and he advised that between the time of 4/1/06 at approximately 1818 hours and 4/3/06 at approximately 0730 hours, the business' west side compound was entered by suspect(s) using two AC units pushed on their sides to climb over the fence. Once inside, an inexpensive stereo `approximately $10` was stolen. Approximately $3,500 in damage was done to the AC units."
Here's the rub: On April 2 at about 10 p.m., Orlando Police got notice of a false alarm on the same premises. "I left a message with the false alarm coordinator to indicate that there had been an actual burglary so that the complainant would not receive a fee," Burch wrote in his report.
Which is only fair, when you think about it, seeing as OPD didn't catch the actual burglar the first time around.
April 3, 4:36 p.m.: Rough times on the hot streets of Orlando, as reflected in Officer Montes' report regarding a robbery.
The victim, a 46-year-old male, stated that while walking toward Orange Blossom Trail through the parking lot of 2 South Orange Blossom Trail, an unknown suspect approached him from behind and snatched his paycheck for $49 and change from his right hand. The dirty bastard ran south on Orange Blossom Trail and turned east on Church Street. The victim tried to give chase, but couldn't keep up; probably because he'd spent his day earning money instead of stealing it.
The perp is a white male, approximately 6 feet tall and about 165 pounds, with black hair and brown eyes, and he was last seen wearing a white T-shirt, beige shorts, white tennis shoes and a black ball cap.
Your correspondent suspects the victim was a writer — who else would have a fat check like that? — and that the perp was pretty disappointed when he caught his breath and actually looked at what he'd stolen.
April 4, 9:24 a.m.: Here's a toast to Orlando's best and brightest in a little piece we call "Almost a Federal Offense":
"On 4/4/06 at approximately 0930 hours, I, Officer Gresham, responded to the `5100 block of` Conroy Road … and met with the `36-year-old` complainant.… He advised that on today's date at approximately 0900 hours, he noticed approximately 20 to 30 mailboxes at the community mailbox were pried open and the locks damaged. All of the boxes are assigned to apartments that are vacant at this time, therefore, no mail appears to have been taken."
D'oh! Our perp was almost a federal offender — but not quite — because it's not a federal crime to bust up mailboxes (but it is to swipe mail). Estimated amount of damages to the mailboxes: $250; estimated damage to our perp's ego: Who firstname.lastname@example.org