March 25, 9:52 a.m.: Officer Fiorino responded to a commercial burglary at Eagle Nest Park in the 5100 block of MetroWest Boulevard. The 48-year-old complainant "advised that when he opened up the concession stand this morning for the baseball game, he noticed all the frozen hot dogs and buns had been stolen. He stated that when he looked up at the ceiling, he noticed that the subject(s) had entered next to the area that was broken into two Fridays ago. The point of entry was the top part of the building, where there are parts of plywood and screen. The screen was torn. `The complainant` stated that he "already contacted the city of Orlando, so they can fix the damage." Total estimated value of the stolen hot dogs and buns: $50. Number of heartbroken kids who will not be eating a hot dog at the ballgame: unknown.
Fiorino's report continues: "The concession stand had several people inside of it and was up and running during my arrival. Based on the contamination, there was no scene to process."
March 26, 5:24 p.m.: You know, there's nothing like getting out on the water to get away from it all. A day in the sun and a couple of brews will really put your head in the right place.
Sadly, there are those among us who will pilfer and steal to finance their own boating dreams. Example: Sometime between 2 p.m. March 25 and 5 p.m. March 26, a person or persons entered the locked fenced area of a boat dealership in the 5900 block of Lakehurst Drive. Once inside, the scoundrel removed and stole five MerCruiser inboard/outboard engines from five boats. The person(s) also tried to remove another MerCruiser from a sixth boat, but failed.
Those are big engines to go jerking off the back of boats, and they're expensive, too; each is worth about $5,000. A mechanic at the boatyard estimated it would take one person more than four hours to snatch all those MerCruisers.
March 27, 5:29 a.m.: Lock up your Camels and squirrel away your Marlboros, because there's a cigarette thief on the prowl. It appears that an unknown black male gained entry into the Winn-Dixie store on the 2900 block of Curry Ford Road by smashing the front glass with a concrete block. Once inside, he put 50 cartons of lung treats in a trash bag and scurried back out the hole. It was the second time in five days the store was hit in that fashion.
Perhaps if they didn't keep the nicotine patches locked up, they'd have gotten off easier. Instead they're fretting over an estimated $1,750 in stolen cigarettes and $500 in damages.
March 27, 7:05 a.m.: Officer O'Lena responded to the 6100 block of Westgate Drive in reference to a robbery. His report reflects: "The `50-year-old` victim states that at approximately 0700 hours, this morning, she walked out to her car when a white Lexus SUV with gold trim and tinted windows pulled up to her. The suspect then exited the passenger front door and walked up to the victim. The suspect stated, ‘Where's the money.' The victim stated, ‘What?' and the suspect stated, ‘Where's the money, I'm not playing.' The victim then observed the suspect holding, in his left hand alongside his leg, a gun with a long barrel, possibly a revolver. The suspect kept the gun alongside his leg and did not point it at the victim."
What's a victim to do? First thing in the morning and someone tries to roll you. Well, here's a new tactic: "The victim walked away from the suspect. The suspect stated, ‘Don't try something stupid.' The victim stated, ‘I don't have any money and I'm leaving.' The suspect then jumped back into the white Lexus and the Lexus drove away."
Just politely say no to robbers holding large guns and leave. But this victim was very lucky, as we see in the next case.
March 27, 6:57 p.m.: One should weigh one's options before acting on impulse.
Officers Sikos and Dougherty reported to Florida East Hospital to obtain a statement in regards to a robbery and aggravated battery. The story they heard was that a 33-year-old man was jogging north on the west side of Commander Drive when, just before the entrance to Key Harbor Apartments, an unknown suspect jumped out with what appeared to be a cell phone and said, "Give me your money." The perp apparently wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, as very few runners carry large sums of cash while jogging. The victim, according to police reports, replied, "Fuck you," and pushed the suspect. Then he heard a gunshot and ran home, at which point he realized he'd been shot. Guess that wasn't a cell phone, huh?
While hauling ass outta there, the victim dropped his iPod ($200) and a knit cap ($5).
The cops don't know if the shooter picked them up. Your correspondent would guess firstname.lastname@example.org