Feb. 17, 12:24 a.m.: From the 1500 block of East Colonial Drive, Officer Nazario reports: "The `44-year-old female` victim said that she left her office at approximately 16:30 hours on yesterday's date and when she returned on 02/17/06 at approximately 1030 hours she noticed that her radio was missing from under her desk." Some of the victim's fellow employees at the insurance company noticed that they were missing change from their desks. That's right, it appears a bandit had visited in the night, making off with $5 in change and a radio valued at $100. The report continues, "It was later discovered … that an office window was open, giving the suspect access to the building." Wonder if the insurance company's insurance covers random acts of absent-mindedness?
Feb. 18, 7:22 p.m.: Officer Garcia responded in reference to a theft in the 5400 block of Touchstone Drive. According to his report, "`The 20-year-old female victim` noticed a group of four black females with large shopping bags come into the store. Based on `her` training, `the victim` thought it suspicious and started watching the four females." The report continues, "`Victim` witnessed suspect No. 1 blatantly stealing items, at which time, she told suspect No. 1 to ‘Drop my merchandise.'" Then she yelled for a person nearby to call 911.
The person made the call while the victim recovered several pieces of the clothing from suspect No. 1 and ordered the perp out of the store. The suspect refused to leave, responding, "What are you going to do, girl?"
"Suspect No. 1 then grabbed `the victim` by the arms and pushed her to the table. Suspect No. 1 then picked up a pile of merchandise and said, ‘Watch me walk out of the store with your merchandise,' and then exited the store." The other three females followed and they all congregated in the parking lot for a minute before loading into a tan/brown four-door vehicle and cruising off in an unknown direction.
The police report notes that one of the four suspects had bloodshot eyes and smelled strongly of cannabis, which runs counter to the "mellow" stoner stereotype. Reefer madness, indeed.
Feb. 19, 9:41 a.m.: On the 1200 block of Columbia Street, Officer Middleton responded to a commercial burglary. A `37-year-old male` complainant notified Officer Middleton that he secured his establishment before leaving it the night before. When he returned to work the next morning, "He noticed a portion of a side wall to the business had been knocked down and notified police." Officer Middleton's investigation "revealed that unknown person(s) entered the business via the side wall by kicking it. Once inside, the person(s) removed a toolbox containing miscellaneous tools valued at approximately $4,000. The person(s) fled the scene via point of entry. Damage to the wall is estimated at $1,000." Be on the lookout for a perp strong enough to kick down a wall.
Feb. 20, 8:35 a.m.: Officer Glisson responded to a vandalism call from Orlando Regional Medical Center. The 35-year-old complainant was prepping for surgery when she noticed the Da Vinci robotic system, a device used for precise medical procedures such as laparoscopy and remote abdominal cavity inspections, had been damaged. the officer reports: "Further investigation revealed that three of the robotic arms had cable wires that appeared to have been completely or partially cut by an unknown tool. The manufacturer `Intuitive Surgical` of the machine was immediately contacted to see if this could happen without foul play. The `victim` was informed that it was very unlikely for all three arms to be damaged at the same time." Damage was estimated at a whopping $750,000, an all-time high for this column (in terms of damages, that is).
Of course the manufacturer would want to claim that it must have been malfeasance. What would you say on the other end of the phone when $750,000 dollars of possible warranty damages was concerned? Police have few leads, but the field is narrowed due to the fact that the area where the machine is stored "can only be accessed by employees and doctors." Intuitive Surgical's website states that their machines are "taking surgery beyond the limits of the human hand," which may provide a clue. Your correspondent believes the perp is a doctor out to prove that no machine can replace him/her.
Feb. 21, 2:55 a.m.: Our 59-year-old complainant, after securing his business on the 600 block of North Orange Blossom Trail the night before, returned to work the next day and "discovered that the door to the office had been kicked in," and, according to Officer Gillespie's report, "a large number of copper-color metal bars had been moved from the east side of the building and were in a shopping cart next to an exit door on the west side of the building." The complainant was unable to discern whether or not any property was missing from the scene: "Further north into the business a two-drawer filing cabinet and a wooden cabinet in one work area had been moved and it was unclear if anything had been taken."
The report continues, "Point of entry appears to be over the chain link fence on the Concord Street side of the business and appears that a rolling door inside the business was pulled from the bottom in order to get into the factory. Inside the office, where the door has been kicked open, it did not appear that anything had been molested."
Good choice of words, Officer.firstname.lastname@example.org