IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME
• H. Ross Perot • Jonathan Livingston Seagull • Enchilada wedding buffet • Dating your roommate's cousin • Dating your roommate • Dating • My Two Dads • Ethnic cleansing • Edie Brickell • Swapping dental dams • Strip air hockey • Drowning offspring in perfectly good Subaru • The Crusades • Teaching the Snuggle bear to huff • Pets.com • Poppin' and lockin' • Taking nude photos of Korean stepdaughter • Appeasement • Red Bull with Listerine chaser • Jayson Blair, intern • Intramural Crisco wrestling • Marrying him to change him • French bath/flossing at leisure • Allowing laser anywhere near vagina, "rejuvenating" or no • The rhythm method • Stripper pole in family rec room • Blended families • Extended families • Families • Bringing laser pointer to Bible study • Blond streak on any brunette save Keith Richards • From Justin to Kelly: The Complete Shooting Script • Giving up hacky-sack, taking up cracky-sack • Clicking on the attachment • Pinto street racing • "Retiring" vinyl
• "Un-retiring" Carlos Santana • Four hours with Bob Woodward • Dumping Atari system, keeping ColecoVision • Bear-baiting • Line dancing • Sympathy for the devil • The Second Amendment • Noam Chomsky Underoos • Letting the Parkay vent • NPR's Dining Out With Jack Henry Abbott • Invading rival high school without approval of model U.N. • Dennis Miller • Duets with dead people • Piss Christ-by-numbers • Becoming Chris Gaines, even for a minute • May-December coprophagia • Filling up on bread and rolls • Bare-knuckle jury tampering • Compassionate conservatism • Crashing the Donner party • Elective surgery • Saving the best tunes for your solo album • Drawing the line at oral • "The queue forms directly in front of the publicist's car" • The History Channel's I Love the 1880s • Beta anything • Not mentioning your herpes, but alluding to it • The Satanic Verses: The Junior Novel • Saving the best tunes for your solo album • Shoplifting watermelon in tankini • The Geneva Convention • The honor system • Swingles' garage sale • Holistic auto repair • That goddamn feeding tube, always with the feeding tube • Hindsight
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