If you were even barely alive in Florida last week, then you already know that, by a series of incredibly fortunate judicial events, same-sex marriage is absolutely legal in the state and has been since Jan. 6 (see our cover story, "Finally," page 13). Hooray, right? Let's bury all of these partisan hatchets used to chop at the rights of actual, living people who love each other and move on.
But if you were Sen. Marco Rubio – a sad, doughy conflagration of bile and ineptitude (come on, it's true) – then maybe you missed the memo. Or, better yet, the memo kept changing because your mind couldn't light on just what direction you were going to take with the issue.
As the Democratic National Committee was quick to point out after the historic gay marriage moment, Rubio is apparently a fan of press-op quicksand on this important issue, changing his tune no less than three times within the span of two hours.
"I wouldn't agree with [the court's] ruling [on gay marriage], but that would be the law of the land that we would have to follow until it's somehow reversed – either by a future Supreme Court, or a U.S. constitutional amendment, which I don't think is realistic or foreseeable," he told CNN at 5:13 p.m. on Jan. 7.
"If they wanted to change that law, they should have gone to the Legislature or back to the Constitution and try to change it. I don't agree we should be trying to make those changes through the courts," website Politico reported him as saying at 6:51 p.m.
"U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio, the top elected Republican in Florida, says State Attorney General Pam Bondi should appeal a court decision that paved the way for the same-sex marriages that began in the state this week," the Tampa Bay Times reported at 6:59 p.m.
Oh, Marco (Polo!). How we adore your idiocy. Rubio is, of course, hawking his personal paradoxes and political gaffes as a means of simultaneously running for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination and selling his brand-new book, American Dreams. Accordingly, he also seems to be asleep and dreaming that he knows what he talks about. In a self-inflicted attack on himself and general decency, Rubio opined once again to an assembled media corps, according the Miami New Times, that he doesn't believe that gay people have been persecuted at all.
"The trend that I will not accept," he said, according to the New Times, "is the growing attitude that belief in traditional marriage equates to bigotry and hatred. Just as California has a right to redefine marriage to include same-sex couples, Florida has a right to define it as one man and one woman."
There goes that "uniformity" Republicans have been talking about. Sit down, Rubio. And, please, fade away.