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My boyfriend identifies as ; sexually submissive. He likes to be tied up, put in women's underwear and locked in a chastity device, and he has a strong urge to please. I hate the term, but I suppose you could call me a "feeder." I am turned on by the idea of someone eating a lot of junk food and putting on weight.

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I feel somewhat guilty about indulging my fetish, but I figure every now and then shouldn't hurt. Thing is, since my boyfriend knows how much this stuff turns me on, often when we go out he'll eat too much to please me. The short of it is, he's put on some weight, and while the libido part of me finds it hot, the logical part of me wants him to be healthy and stop this pattern before he gets, like, actually fat.

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It's hard enough to convince your partner to work out when it will lead to your being more attracted to him; it's nearly impossible when it may lead to your being less attracted to him. So what do I do? I could say he knows the risks, and since I'm not forcing him to do anything, I could just run with it. But I would still feel bad knowing that he was essentially worse off – less healthy – for having dated me. I just don't want to give him a complex.

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Fat Admirer Troubled

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Your boyfriend is a submissive cross-dresser ; who's into bondage and chastity, FAT, so he came to you with a complex – two or three at least. Not that there's anything wrong with that: The fetishes and kinks they've sprouted give him a great deal of pleasure, and it sounds like you're enjoying 'em, too. We should all be so lucky to have such complexes.

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So get off the rack already and negotiate an explicit "power exchange agreement" where his diet and weight are concerned. Explain to him that having a dominant feeder girlfriend doesn't give him license to eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and put on however much weight he wants. You're in charge, so you get to determine what he eats, when he eats, how much he eats and ultimately how much weight he gains. Don't let his weight go more than 30 pounds over his ideal weight and you won't be doing him any real or lasting harm.

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And FAT? Even if indulging your fetish shaves a year or two off his life, well, people throw away decades of their lives for lesser pleasures. People smoke, ride motorcycles without helmets and stick their rear ends in the air in skank-ass sex clubs. Our bodies are our own; they're ours to use, abuse and, since we're all going to die one day, they're ours to use up. Sane adults strike a balance between eating right, drinking in moderation and getting exercise while still allowing for pleasures that require us to eat poorly, drink in excess and lie motionless for days at a time while we recover. The better care you take of yourself – the more time you spend eating right, drinking in moderation and exercising – the longer you'll live, of course, and the more pleasures you'll get to enjoy before you inevitably croak.

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It's ultimately up to your boyfriend to determine whether the pleasures of submitting to you are worth the risks to his health. Is having a kick-ass sex life with you in his 20s – and possibly in his 30s, 40s and 50s – worth shaving a year or two off his life in his 70s or 80s? If he decides that the answer is yes, be a gracious top, take his yes for an answer and stick a doughnut in his mouth.

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A question in the spirit of ; the season: Can zombie sex ever be consensual? Because I think if confronted with a zombified Zac Efron, I might go for it if he were properly restrained. Can you teach a zombie a safe word? Does it count if it's "braaaains"? It's not necrophilia with the WALKING dead, is it?

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Hope In Zombie Zac If Ethical

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If you'd seen Zombieland, HIZZIE, you'd know that a hot person, once transformed into a zombie, isn't hot anymore. Even a zombified Zac Efron – I'm going to resist making the obvious joke here – would be too repulsive to fuck. Think of the gore, the viscera; think of the Axe body spray.

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As for the morality of the situation, fucking zombies is necrophilia, technically, but practically, it comes closer to bestiality. A human being who has been zombified is nothing but an animal, hungry for brains, incapable of consent. We can kill animals for their flesh, but we mustn't fuck them; and we can kill zombies for wanting our flesh, but likewise we mustn't fuck them.

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I came up with an amazing ; word years ago, and I have been trying like hell to get it into the dictionary: "procrasturbation." It means "to waste time by pleasuring yourself." I wrote Merriam-Webster back in 2004 – here is the response I got: "Your coinage is clever, but I'm afraid that cleverness is not the criterion on which a word is entered into our dictionaries … For ‘procrasturbate' to be entered, it will need to appear in a number of well-read print sources for a good number of years. When we've collected enough citations for the word, we will enter it into our dictionary."

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I was just wondering if you could help me out with this by using it in your column.

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Organically Enters Dictionary

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"Procrasturbate" is genius, OED, but appearing in my column isn't going to get it into the dictionary. "Santorum" has appeared in this space and other well-read print sources for years now, and it hasn't seeped into Merriam-Webster's yet. I call shenanigans.

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

; mail@savagelove.net

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