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At first glance, I am the guy your mother wants you to marry. Successful, sweet, clean-shaven. Below the surface, I am the guy your mother warned you about: pierced tongue, tattoos, a ton of kinks. A couple of months ago, I met a woman who wanted to be a sex slave. She comes to my house a couple of times a week, puts on lingerie, blows me, does my dishes, blows me, gets tied up/spanked, picks up my dirty laundry, blows me again and then leaves. Needless to say, I am quite happy with the situation.

Now I have met a great woman and am looking to start a “normal” relationship with (read: still hot kinky sex, just no need for her to crawl on all fours when she enters my house, as fun as that is to watch). She has been hurt before and wants to spend a long time “getting to know each other” before we move toward anything physical. Given my situation, i.e., all those blow jobs from the submissive, I have no problems waiting as long as Girlfriend Material wants before we start something physical.

My question is on dom/sub etiquette. Assuming things work out, at what point should I break up with my sub? Do I help her find a new dom? This isn’t a regular breakup. My sub loves to serve; would it be cheating on my next girlfriend if I let her keep doing domestic tasks for me, but nothing sexual? Should I tell my next girlfriend that I had a sex slave?

Deciding On Method

Hm. My mother never warned me about guys with piercings, tattoos, or kinks. My mother did, however, warn me about guys who think a hidden tattoo or a discreet piercing somehow makes them more interesting than they actually are. “Those guys are always douchebags,” my mother used to say. But, hey, my mom isn’t the guest expert you need.

The fact that you’re having a dominant/submissive relationship with this older woman is immaterial,” says Mistress Matisse, a pro dom, expert flogger and prolific blogger. “It’s an intimate sexual relationship, so forget d/s in your handling of this. It’s clear that you’d be happy to continue with them both, so the question is more polyamory skills than BDSM etiquette.”

So what does Matisse think you should do? “Tell both women exactly what’s going on, immediately,” Matisse continues. “Your girlfriend-to-be wants to get to know you? Well, if she can’t handle the fact that you’ve been having a d/s relationship, you better find that out now. Her response will give you a clue as to how kinky your future sex life with her might be. But full disclosure, pronto, is best. Anyone who has been ‘hurt before’ is apt to be touchy about discovering perceived dishonesty down the road.”

And what about your sub? “Your submissive is also deserving of your honesty,” says Matisse. “She may decide she wants to end your relationship, or she may be willing to continue in a nonsexual arrangement if that’s offered her. If you are extremely lucky, your submissive and your GF-to-be may decide they can coexist in some fashion.”

And how does one properly break up with a submissive, if it comes to that? “Make a date with your submissive and respectfully inform her that you are ending the relationship,” says Matisse. “Wish her well and say good-bye, no last blow jobs for the road. Do not offer to find her a new dominant – trust me, she’ll have no trouble at all finding another dominant to accept an arrangement like the one you’ve described.”

I’m trying to figure out how to do a “Santorum” down here in New Orleans, where a repulsive state senator named Steve Scalise is making a bid for the U.S. House of Representatives.

What can I do to help derail this train? As unappetizing as it sounds, I’d be willing to give Scalise a sacrifice blow job if I thought we could trap him in a men’s room tryst, à la Larry Craig. Short of that, though, any ideas about what one concerned citizen can do to help stop this creep?

Please Unseat Steve Scalise Yesterday

Whereas a great many gay-bashing Republicans have turned out to be closeted homos (Craig, Haggard, Allen, Murphy, et al.), and whereas spreading rumors of homosexuality is an old Karl Rove trick that has been used to derail many a political career (see “Richards, Ann”), and whereas this Scalise person is a Republican homophobe, and whereas turnabout is fair play, PUSSY, be it resolved that you don’t have to give Scalise that sacrifice blow job. All you have to do is claim to have blown this Scalise person – or, more believably, to have been blown by this Scalise person, as all closeted Republicans are oral bottoms. Since gay sex is no longer illegal (thank you, Lawrence v. Texas), I’m not sure if it’s libel or defamation or anything if you ran around claiming you blew this guy. But I could be wrong, so please check with your lawyer before you register

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