News & Features » Savage Love




Long story short: I’m a 28-year-old woman in a long-term relationship. In the past, I’ve been a control freak by day, sex freak by night – but just for my GGG boyfriend. Recently, I realized that I’m a female cuckold! Nothing gets me hotter than the thought of my boyfriend fucking somebody else in front of me. The logical solution, of course, is to have threesomes. A bunch. My boyfriend feels like he has died and gone to heaven.

Here’s the issue: The pill makes me psycho, a diaphragm was a disaster and something about my anatomy snaps condoms. After much trial and error, I settled on an IUD – but my gyno made me swear a blood oath before she put it in that I wouldn’t sleep around, because an IUD is a monogamist’s device. If I catch a sexually transmitted infection now, Dan, it could fuck up my whole reproductive system.

We would, of course, ask potential thirds to get tested (and get tested ourselves), but I don’t want to feel like I’m gambling with my health when we do this. How do I get the edgy sex life I want?

Suddenly Kinky And Really Eager

The only way to get the edgy sex life you want, SKARE, is to accept that edgy sex lives always involve a certain degree of risk. IUDs do not provide STI protection – nor do birth control pills, diaphragms or having your tubes tied. And while condoms, when used correctly, offer excellent protection from the two scariest sexually transmitted infections out there – HIV and pregnancy – condoms only reduce your risk of acquiring gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, HPV, herpes and other STIs.

I’m sorry, but there’s no such thing as risk-free sex. Hell, there’s no such thing as risk-free anything. Hamburgers, snowboarding, sex – all risky activities. OK, class: A life without hamburgers, snowboarding and sex is what? A life that’s hardly worth living, Mr. Savage. So what do we do? We take reasonable steps to reduce our risks. We cook our burgers thoroughly (or, better yet, buy beef that isn’t packed with hormones, antibiotics and E. coli); we stay in designated ski areas and/or wear avalanche beacons; we try to be selective about our sex partners and use condoms when appropriate. And then we play the odds; we gamble. Burgers, boarding, sex – if we’ve taken reasonable precautions, the odds are in our favor.

So here’s what you do: Accept that acting on your fantasies – your cuckquean fantasies (only men can be cuckolds) – involves risks for you, for your boyfriend and for your thirds. Then set about minimizing ’em. Be choosy about who you take to bed. (Someone you know, like and trust? Yes. Amy Winehouse? No.) Use protection. (The boyfriend should use condoms with these other women.) And be vigilant about your health. (Regular checkups, STI screenings, Pap smears, etc.)

And finally, you have to accept that, even if you’re doing everything “right,” there’s still a chance that you may contract an STI; perhaps something annoying but curable (gonorrhea, pregnancy), something incurable but bearable (herpes) or something incurable and devastating (HIV). If you can’t handle that reality, then you don’t just have a monogamist’s device in your twat, but a monogamist’s twat in your pants.

I’m a bisexual girl. My boyfriend feels that I can “be all things” to him and fulfill him completely, but he can’t do the same for me. I truly feel that, over the long term, I would never be with a girl. I feel that although girls are lovely and sweet, a girl just wouldn’t make me feel the ways a boy does, and that I need what a boy offers more. What can I do to make him see that he fulfills me in every way? We have discussed it endlessly, but his worries and insecurities won’t budge.

Sad Girl

Of course he’ll never fulfill you completely, SG, just as you’ll never fulfill him completely. No one person can “be all things” to another person, and pretending otherwise can place a terrible strain on an otherwise serviceable relationship. The most we can hope for is finding someone who comes close enough, someone we can round up to “complete fulfillment” status with a straight face, someone who can do the same for us.

So your boyfriend is either being naive with this “you can be all things to me, I can’t be all things to you” crap or – and this seems more likely – he’s being a fuckstick. Ask yourself this: What does your boyfriend get by extending this conversation endlessly? Here’s what: By pretending to feel insecure, your boyfriend gets a girlfriend who actually feels insecure. He gets a girlfriend who feels like she’s always on probation, a girlfriend who is always at an emotional disadvantage. And then he gets to point to your one flaw – your bisexuality – as an excuse to never wholly commit to you.

You do realize that your bisexuality is not a flaw – far from it – and that there are tons of boys out there who would be ec-fucking-static to trade places with your boyfriend. You might wanna let one.

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