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SAVAGE LOVE

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I’m a 21-year-old woman and I know the my-boyfriend-has-a-diaper-fetish thing has been done to death, but …. When he told me about his fetish, I was supportive. To be completely honest, he’s so good-looking and such a wonderful guy that I was worried about losing him if I seemed less than ecstatic.

Flash forward a year and a half. We’re in a really good place, and we want to get married. However, his fetish has started to bother me. In the beginning, roughly once a week I’d talk down to him, he’d come in his diaper, and we were done. Now it’s all he ever wants to do and “normal” sex is off the menu. And his fetish has progressed to elaborate scenarios complete with “sissy outfits.” Sometimes it takes a whole day of role-playing to satisfy him.

I feel like he’s being selfish. What do you think? Please don’t pass me up because you’ve answered infantilism questions in the past.

Sick Of Diapered Sissy

You’re right, SODS – in fact, I responded to a woman who signed herself Beyond Annoyed in February; she was married to a diaper-loving adult baby who was neglecting her desire for vanilla sex. Now normally I wouldn’t run a letter from a reader with an identical problem, but I’m going to make an exception. No need to thank me.

Thank O.J. Wandrisco.

Wandrisco is the director of a Christian youth group in Mt. Lebanon, Penn., and to “break the ice” at a recent meeting, Mr. Wandrisco sent three 14-year-old boys into a restroom where they were given “adult diapers, bibs, and bonnets and directed to take their clothes off and put the diapers, bibs, and bonnets on,” the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported. “The boys returned to the group, where they were asked to sit in the laps of three girls. The girls spoon-fed baby food to the boys and then gave them baby bottles filled with soda pop. The first boy to finish was the winner.”

Putting horny 14-year-old boys in diapers and plopping them on the laps of teenage girls – thus are lifelong fetishes born. Not that I have anything against fetishes. But can you imagine the uproar from Christian groups if a gay youth group employed similar “ice-breaking” techniques?

A spokesman for the Christian youth group told the Post-Gazette that they’ve been doing this “skit” for years; they also do a “skit” where girls eat chocolate pudding out of adult diapers. The spokesman insisted that the boys from Mt. Lebanon “had fun” in those diapers. I’ll bet they did – and odds are good that they’re going to be having fun in diapers for the rest of their lives.

OK, SODS, here’s the advice I offered Beyond Annoyed: “Cut the brat off – no more baby games until he can successfully wrap his bonnet around this: Your pleasure matters as much as his does. He may not be interested in regular sex, but he needs to learn to fake it convincingly. And finally, tell him that his continued failure to meet your vanilla needs is gonna get his diapered ass [dumped], leaving him single and shit out of luck, sex-partner-wise, for the rest of his adult infancy.”

Of course, your boyfriend may not believe that he’s neglecting your needs. Your feigned enthusiasm may have led him to believe that you find his kink just as exciting as he does. If that’s the case, you’re going to have to take it back without making him feel violated.

I am a 26-year-old gay man living in Boston. I recently started dating a man in his 30s whose biggest turn-on is having a guy lick and kiss the bottoms of his feet. At first I enjoyed watching him get so much satisfaction, but now I’m feeling uneasy. He has started asking me to get naked and worship his feet while he remains clothed and engages in nonsexual activities – things like watching TV, eating dinner or just sitting back and having a smoke. I don’t want to be in a relationship based on my being degraded.

New Foot Licker

His biggest turn-on is having his feet worshipped, he wants you to worship said feet while he ignores you, and he remains fully clothed while you slobber away bare-ass naked … uh, NFL? This scenario is all about degradation, about you debasing yourself to affirm his sexual dominance. However, so long as he’s only interested in degrading you when you’re having sex, not in degrading or dominating you 24/7, then you’re not in a relationship “based on [your] being degraded,” but in a relationship with someone turned on by role-playing degradation scenarios.

Does his desire to have you worship his feet while he engages in nonsexual activities represent outside-of-sex slippage? Not so long as hot sex follows your degradation. Your slobbering and nudity transform whatever “nonsexual activities” he’s engaging in – or pretending to – into sexual activities. When you’re not naked on the floor licking his feet, watching TV is just watching TV. When you are, it’s foreplay.

You should tell him how you’re feeling. You should also ask him where this is going – is he grooming you for more degrading tasks? But first ask yourself this: “What if his answer is yes?”

mail@savagelove.net

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