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Savage Love

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I'm a married guy with a good job and a wonderful kid,; and my wife's a good lady. The problem? Sex. She rarely wants/needs it, and; when I can get her in the mood it's the same old dull routine. Same position, I; do all the work and it's over in 15 minutes.

I've tried to talk about it with her, but she's; very defensive. She claims she got adventure out of her system years ago. I; never got enough. Never had a blow job, never had intercourse in any position; but missionary. I'm frustrated, angry and desperate. I never wanted to cheat,; but this has gone on for years and things aren't going to change.

Now — act surprised! — there's an opportunity. This; other woman is smart and adventurous and has a very healthy libido. I want her,; she wants me. The problem? She's going to be leaving soon. Part of me wants to; go with her, but it would mean leaving my child. I should also mention that; she's gotten herself into trouble in the past. No arrests, but there's a chance; of past misdeeds or unstable old boyfriends coming back to haunt her.

I don't want my child hating me forever, but I want; to be happy. What should I do?

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Wondering If Love/Lust Is Enough

As the daughter of swingers, I used to be appalled by; married people having sex with other people. But my marriage has sent me; running for the dark side. After having children, my husband unilaterally ended; our sex life. I've written letters explaining what I need, worn thongs around; the house and even told him that I cannot imagine being married to him forever; if it's going to be like this. He said that we have children now, and people; with children don't do that sort of thing!

I feel cheated, and like many people who feel; cheated, I cheated. I know it's wrong, but I was dying to fuck someone who; actually wanted to fuck me. I know I'll end up getting busted at some point (at; least my parents were honest about fucking other people!), but I am having the; best sex of my life and don't want to give it up. On the other hand, my husband; is a great guy and a great father. Can I dump an otherwise good man and break; up my family just to pursue a life of debauchery? If so, how do I do this; without making everyone hate me?

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Full Swing

WILLIE and FS's letters arrived on the same day. I; get letters every damn day from frustrated, desperate men and women who are; married to people who are no longer — or were never — interested in sex. Sadly,; most people in WILLIE and FS's shoes only write to me after they've spent years; enduring, begging, pleading and cajoling. They write in after they're married,; after they've had kids, after they've started affairs — in short, they write; when it's way too damn late.

Still, I have some advice for WILLIE and FS, and; we'll get to it in a moment. But first, some general observation: In some; instances there may be a very good reason why a particular husband or wife is; no longer interested in sex. For all we know WILLIE doesn't bathe or only; speaks civilly to his wife when he wants sex. For all we know FS supports the; teaching of intelligent design or is Katherine Harris. But it's not always the; fault of the cut-off spouse. There are people out there who simply aren't; interested in sex and, judging from the mail, a whole lot of them married; people who are.

Depriving a spouse of sex is an act of emotional; violence. This not only creates frustration, anger and desperation, it; inevitably leads to infidelity, which all too often leads to divorce, broken; homes and traumatized children. And who gets the blame? The spouse who cheated,; of course!

To all those folks out there who aren't interested; in sex: Getting married is like buying a cow. You know going in that you're going; to have to milk the thing. But unlike an unmilked cow, a spouse won't just; stand there in a field and suffer. A spouse is a cow with a credit card, a job; and a car. If you don't milk the cow you married, your cow has the means to go; out and find someone who will. If you're fine with that, for God's sake tell; your cow. If you lose interest in sex but want to stay married for the kids,; friendship or financial security, apologize to your cow and tell 'em you'll do; them the courtesy of turning a blind eye if they'll do you the courtesy of; being milked discreetly elsewhere.

OK, so what should you two do?

WILLIE: If you're going to leave your wife — and in; your blow job–less state, who could blame you — the least you can do for your; kid is stay in town. This other woman — the one with the potential legal; problems and bad taste in ex-boyfriends — isn't the only other woman on earth.; Leave your wife, find someone local, get your dick sucked.

FS: Tell your husband what's going on and tell him; why. Offer to stay with him and raise your kids together, if you can hack it.; But just as he's made it clear that being with him means no sex, you need to; make it clear that, for him, being with you means semi-regular cuckolding.

I'm a gay 22-year-old male. My boyfriend, 24, seems to; have the lowest sex drive ever. He never initiates; he pushes me away three out; of the four times I do. It's to the point that I don't initiate anymore. He's a; great guy — sweet and perfect for me in every way except this. Cheating is not; an option I would consider. But I'm sex-starved!

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Boy Once Needed Erotics Daily

      Once upon a time cheating was not an option WILLIE; or FS would have considered either, BONED. Get the hell out while the getting; out is good.

; mail@savagelove.net

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