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Selections: Our picks for the best things to do in Orlando this week

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Wednesday, 5

Metallica

MUSIC

Are you ready to jump in the fire? Bow to the leper messiah? Or even thrash around and act like a maniac? Well, your shortest straw has been pulled because Metallica are returning to Orlando after more than a decade. Having concluded the first leg of their Worldwired Tour at Soldier Field in Chicago, Metallica is ready to hit the lights on the next leg of the tour right here in the City Beautiful. The band's metal militia faithful can look forward to a king's ransom of new (not nü) metal up their ... ears from the thrashers' latest album, Hardwired ... to Self-Destruct, which went platinum in April, along with older classics such as "One," "Four Horsemen" and "Unforgiven" making welcome appearances. After riding the lightning for 30-plus years, this tour marks the first time the four horsemen have offered "enhanced" or "VIP" experiences for fans. Sad but truuuuu-uuuuuuue. – Jacob Galvin

with Avenged Sevenfold, Volbeat | 6:30 p.m. | Camping World Stadium, 1 Citrus Bowl Place | 407-440-7900 | campingworldstadium.com | $55.50-$155.50

Friday, 7

Grease Sing-along

FILM

Like a lot of things you loved as a kid, Grease is full of stuff that would never fly today. For instance: Guys, if your friends say, "Tell me more, tell me more/Did she put up a fight?" when you're describing a date, you need new friends. But it's a sure bet that even just reading those lyrics has the song ping-ponging through your brain. Once heard, tunes like "Summer Nights," "We Go Together" and the utterly irresistible, Abba-reminiscent "You're the One That I Want" are indelibly implanted in your head, which is why sing-alongs like this one at the Abbey are so successful – no one won't know the words. You may need some practice to recall the "hand jive," though, which is where your party hosts and the props in your swag bag come into play. Go, Greased Lightning. – Jessica Bryce Young

8 p.m. | The Abbey, 100 S. Eola Drive | 407-704-6261 | abbeyorlando.com | $15-$25

Saturday, 8

Orlando Book Festival

LITERARY

Summers are a time for flips-flops, sandy beach trips, tubing – and if you've been inculcated in the public school system – a summer reading marathon. Find some enthralling new literature for your pool tote bag at the Orlando Book Festival this weekend. The daylong event at the downtown public library is dedicated to all things books and includes panels, writing workshops, book signings and the chance to see best-selling authors. Keynote speakers include Adam Silvera, author of More Happy Than Not and History Is All You Left Me, and Jonathan Maberry, author of Rot and Ruin, both New York Times bestsellers. If you'd like a good laugh from Florida Man, look for out Craig Pittman's Oh, Florida! How America's Weirdest State Influences the Rest of the Country. The best part? The Orlando Book Festival is free, which means you can buy even more books! – Monivette Cordeiro

10 a.m.-5 p.m. | Orlando Public Library, 101 E. Central Blvd. | 407-835-7323 | ocls.info | free

Saturday, 8

SqueakFest

THEATER

While the subtitle "An evening of pint-sized theater" may give you the impression that this is a showcase of children's theater, this evening of short plays and performance pieces is anything but. Organized by the Pipsqueak Collective, a local group of artists who produce theater and video works focused on collaboration, SqueakFest brings together 10 writers of various backgrounds for a variety of performances. Noted local writer J. Bradley reads "Sieve," a short piece about a grandmother whose memory isn't what it used to be, while playwright Ashleigh Ann Gardner presents "BOGO," a one-scene play about the inherent misrepresentation of terms like "BOGO" and "Netflix and chill." Eight other vignettes round out the bill, all directed by Melissa Cooper. Expect strong language, and leave the pipsqueaks at home. – Thaddeus McCollum

7: 30 p.m. | Downtown Credo, 706 W. Smith St. | pipsqueakcollective.com | $15

Saturday, 8

Bill Maher

COMEDY

It's gotta be difficult getting opposing sides of the culture war to despise you for completely different things, but Bill Maher, longtime host of HBO's Real Time, has somehow managed it. While the right has long despised Maher for what they view as smarmy liberal elitism – he famously critiqued the characterization of terrorists as "cowardly" on his former talk show, Politically Incorrect, and starred in the documentary Religulous, in which he derides organized religion as a scam. But this year, Maher has had to duck swings from the left after booking internet hatemonger Milo Yiannopolous on his show, a move which critics say lent legitimacy to Yiannopolous' particularly vile brand of jackassery. Then, just last month, Maher flippantly referred to himself as a "house" you-know-what on live TV – a gaffe that Maher attempted to address head-on the following week. Expect to hear his side of all this and more when Maher takes the stage at the Dr. Phillips Center this week for a night of politically charged comedy. And hey, a guy who can unite the political divide in this country on anything has to be doing something right ... right? – Thaddeus McCollum

8 p.m. | Walt Disney Theater, Dr. Phillips Center for the Performing Arts, 445 S. Magnolia St. | 844-513-2014 | drphillipscenter.org | $45-$110

Monday, 10

Reptaliens

MUSIC

Now, usually, having a relatively young band with only one 7-inch EP (Forced Entry on tastemakers Captured Tracks) opening for indie-dance worthies the likes of STRFKR would be a somewhat surprising proposition, but Portland's Reptaliens are not just any band of disguised reptiles from another star system. The band – led by the couple that fell to earth, Bambi and Cole Browning – counts among its current membership escapees from Blouse, Wampire, Brainstorm and Woolen Men and deals in a sound that's almost St. Etienne and Heavenly hybridized with mellow AM-radio vibes and the space age lounge of Esquivel. And buried deep beneath this gently chiming haze are lyrics packed with cults and conspiracies lurking around every corner. Live, expect fog machines and reptile masks to come into play. With a new album on the way later this summer that promises to crystallize all their various songs and themes into one gorgeous, yet foreboding electro-pop whole, let us be probably not the first to say that we are glad to welcome our new reptilian overlords. – MM

with STRFKR | 8 p.m. | The Beacham, 46 N. Orange Ave. | thebeacham.com | $21

Tuesday, 11

KidFest: Modern Times

FILM

During the summer, when the kids are out of school and parents have to come up with ways to entertain the sticky little goblins without taking out another mortgage, the Enzian offers up KidFest, a series of free screenings of family-friendly movies. Of course, it being the Enzian, you're not going to get computer-animated Hollywood schlock: The first film shown during this year's KidFest is Modern Times, Charlie Chaplin's 1936 silent-talkie hybrid about a factory worker subjected to the indignity of becoming a cog in the grand capitalist machine until he finds freedom in imprisonment. The film is widely regarded as one of Chaplin's best, and is a fitting send-off for his "Little Tramp" character. And while the cocaine gag may go over the heads of the little ones, here's some good news: You don't have to bring a kid with you to see the movie. – TM

3 p.m. | Enzian Theater, 1300 S. Orlando Ave., Maitland | 407-629-1088 | enzian.org | free

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