For the singles
What could be worse than Valentine’s Day when you’re alone and moping? We’ll tell you what: When Valentine’s Day lands on or adjacent to the weekend and it looks like love has vomited its heart-shaped splendor all over your favorite haunts, all weekend long.
That’ll be the case this weekend, but you can take solace in the fact that you’re not alone in your alone-ness. In fact, there are a number of events geared toward you. Read on and find out where the other members of your tribe will be gathered.
For the single pessimists: Feb. 11, DJ Chino will hold a Break-up Party at the Dragon Room (10 p.m. Dragon Room, 25 W. Church St., 407-843-8600) where the first 50 singles will get in the door for free. Everyone will get half of a heart when they arrive, and if you find the lonely bastard with the other half of your heart, you can take it to the bar, get a couple of free cocktails and drown your sorrows together.
You can encourage your inner bitter harpy on Feb. 12 at Howl at the Moon Saloon (8815 International Drive, 407-354-5999), which hosts its annual Luv Sux Anti-Valentine’s Day Party and encourages attendees to bring in mutilated photos of exes past in exchange for half-off at the door ($10 to get in without a photo, $5 with).
For the single optimists: Join Tatto’d Bill for a live version of the Dating Game at Graffiti Junktion (900 E. Washington St., 407-426-9503, free), in which contestants compete to win dinner and drinks.
Like to drink? Live near Sanford? Let alcohol guide you to your meet-cute during the Cupid’s Singles Pub Crawl, which will hit all the hot spots in this one-horse town: Gator Gary’s, the Alley, the Wet Spot, Little Fish Huge Pond (Feb. 12, 1 p.m.-midnight, starting at Riverhouse Pottery, 118 Palmetto Ave., Sanford, 407-323-9272, $25)
On Feb. 14 – that’s Valentine’s Day evening, in case you’re not paying attention – you can enjoy mean songs and snarky speed dating with Mean Mary at Natura Coffee and Tea (12078 Collegiate Way, 407-482-5000, free).
For the voyeurs: Lots of naughty bits will be on display all weekend long at Nude Night, Orlando’s annual celebration of art in the nude. Some people think this event is hot, some people think it’s heinous. Either way, it’s certainly popular and if you don’t have a date, it’ll probably be the most action you’ll get this weekend anyway. Just remember: Look but don’t touch. (503 W. Grant St., www.nudenite.com, $20)
For the dog lovers: We haven’t seen any events geared toward crazy cat ladies, but we’re sure there are plenty of lonely dog ladies (and guys) out there, and this one’s for you: Wine Styles in Baldwin Park will host a Dog-E-Harmony event at which A New Beginning “dog matching organization” hosts a speed-dating event for potential pet owners looking to meet adoptable dogs. (Feb. 10, 6-9 p.m., 4841 New Broad St., 407-616-8215, free).
For the happy couples
Those of you who are lucky in love don’t really need our help finding places to hang out this weekend – this holiday was made for you, after all – but we understand the pressure you must feel to impress your honey. Mess things up this year and you might find yourself at the aforementioned DJ Chino Break-up Party next Valentine’s Day. Here’s a sampler of events on offer for the couples this weekend.
For the film buffs: Bring a blanket and a bottle of wine and catch an outdoor showing of An Officer and a Gentleman at Harry P. Leu Gardens (Feb. 14, 6 p.m. 1920 N. Forest Ave., 407-246-2620, $7).
For the civic-minded: What better day to show your support for marriage equality than Valentine’s Day? Join members of the LGBT community to demand gay-marriage rights for all Floridians at The Human Heart: And OUTright Love-in (Feb. 14, 6-7 p.m., Loch Haven Park, 2416 Mills Ave., www.humanheartlovein.com, free).
For the starry-eyed lovers: The Seminole State College Planetarium is inviting couples to spend a romantic evening under the stars learning the stories of the astrological couples with its Heavenly Love program (Feb. 11-12, 100 Weldon Blvd., Sanford, 407-708-2360, $6).
For those who like their sex sexy: Stigma Tattoo Bar will offer striptease/lapdance classes to “teach sexy dance moves to use on your partner.” (Feb. 13, 5-6 p.m., 17 S. Orange Ave., 407-615-6929, $20).
For those who like their sex educational: All week long, the Florida School for Holistic Living will hold classes with sex teacher Sheri Winston, who’ll offer instruction on everything from female ejaculation to orgasmic abundance to helping couples keep the flame alive. Check the schedule online for dates, times and prices (Feb. 8-13, Florida School of Holistic Living, 1109 E. Concord St., www.holisticlivingschool.org).
For everyone else: Choose your own adventure: Visit our calendar at www.orlandoweekly.com for online listings, our restaurant database, our critics’ selections for the best events happening around town and more.