Cable TV's premium Playboy channel is about to take all those dating reality shows a step further with its new show, Foursome. `The program` will take two couples each week and follow them for 24 hours to see if they end up in the sack, Daily Variety reported.
Among the more racy episodes revealed by Playboy is one in which one of the men is so obnoxious, he drives the women into each other's arms. — UPI, June 1
VOICE-OVER: You're watching the premiere of the Spike Network's no-holds-barred experiment in nuisance dating, Hot and Bothered!
(Medium shot of the Contestant, a smug-looking man of about 40. On-screen title: "STEVE")
STEVE: I'm an entertainment journalist in Orlando, Florida, so you bet your ovaries I know plenty about public humiliation. Watch me try to nauseate a pair of random hotties all the way into steamy girl-on-girl action!
(SCENE: Blind date. The Contestant and two UCF coeds are seated outside at Will's.)
COED NO. 1: So, you're in public relations or something? Um, tell us what that's like.
STEVE: Well, it's complicated, honey. Lots of big words. Let's talk about you instead. Are you fixing to squeeze out a couple of puppies next semester, or is that just the freshman 10 stressing the rivets on those True Religions?
COED NO. 2: Omigod, you JERK! Who do you think you're talking to?
STEVE: Gettin' the undies in a bunch already, huh? Sweet! I bet you're so mad you could hop the fence right here. Am I right?
COED NO. 1: The only fence I'm going to hop is the one that's holding me back from kicking your ass, you little idiot!
STEVE: Hahaha! Now you're really disgusted. And that's the last stage of getting totally wet for each other. I knew all that "rap" music I listened to in the '80s had taught me something. Oh, if you need something else to put you in the mood, look what I can do with this dental floss I brought. Do you know what a "deviated septum" is?
COED NO. 2: EEEWWWWWW!
COED NO. 1: Something's deviated around here, all right, and I'm sure not going to be on TV with it. TAXI!
(Picture fades back to medium shot of the Contestant.)
STEVE: OK, that could have gone better. But watch me score big-time by putting the mortification whammy on a couple of the latent lesbos at a typical Democratic Party fund-raiser!
(SCENE: Political mixer at Citrus Club. The Contestant is talking to two middle-aged party volunteers.)
VOLUNTEER NO. 1: We're so glad you want to help out this November. If we all pull together, I think we have a great shot at taking back Congress for hard-working people. Are you more interested in vote monitoring or driving the handicapped to the polls?
STEVE: (Waves arms wildly in their faces) Would it bother you if I did THIS all night?
VOLUNTEER NO. 2: Please cut that out.
STEVE: Nyuk nyuk nyuk! I bet if I kept this up for an hour or so, you'd be bumping fuzz like Ellen and Portia. Come on, tell me you're not feelin' it already.
(Volunteer No. 1 hides behind Volunteer No. 2 and grasps her shoulder in fear.)
STEVE: We have CON-tact! Sweet Sappho, she is singing loud and proud tonight!
VOLUNTEER NO. 2: Yeah, I think that's about all of this we have to put up with. Oh, DOUG!
(Scene returns to medium shot of the Contestant, who is now sporting several facial bruises and balancing on a crutch.)
STEVE: Huh. Who knew there were MEN at those things? Anyway, I still had one more shot at glory. And this time I couldn't fail!
(SCENE: Potluck supper at Presbyterian Church. The Contestant is being served potato salad by a pair of elderly Parishioners.)
PARISHIONER NO. 1: Eat up, sonny. Edna here spent all afternoon whipping up that little dish full of miracles.
STEVE: I'll bet … when she wasn't diddling your Depends!
PARISHIONER NO. 2: (Adjusting hearing aid) What did he say?
STEVE: I said, "I bet you two have spent more years groping your way around dark caves than the U.S. Spelunking Team." Am I onto something?
(PARISHIONER NO. 1 reaches out and, with almost superhuman strength, grabs the Contestant by the collar.)
PARISHIONER NO. 1: Now you listen to me, Mr. Smart-Mouth, and listen good. I buried three husbands — two of 'em before they were ready — and I'm not going to waste one more breath on you than I have to. You want to know what ladies do when they're by themselves? They talk about their day. They compare notes about how awful it is to live at the whim of lousy bosses and boyfriends. They wonder why their kids never call. And anything else they might get up to is none of your business. If you want even bleacher seats to the mystery of female intimacy, you're going to have to start behaving like a humble and respectful human being. And kid? Forget about the doubles acts. The way you talk, you'll be lucky enough to land ONE.
STEVE: I'm sorry, Aunt Cora. May I have some mushroom gravy, please?
PARISHIONER NO. 1: Oh, what the hell. Hold out your hands.