TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Of all the signs, Tauruses are among the least likely to be egomaniacs. Most of you aren't inclined to indulge in fits of braggadocio or outbreaks of narcissism. (I just heard one of my favorite virtuoso Taurus singers say she wasn't a very good singer!) That's why one of my secret agendas is to tell you how gorgeous you are, to nudge you to cultivate the confidence and pride you deserve to have. Are you ready to leap to a higher octave of self-love? I think so. In the coming weeks, please use Taurus artist Salvador Dalí's boast as your motto: "There comes a moment in every person's life when they realize they adore me."
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): When I was young, I had a fun-filled fling with a smart Gemini woman who years later became a highly praised author and the authorized biographer of a Nobel Prize-winning writer. Do I regret our breakup? Am I sorry I never got to enjoy her remarkable success up close? No. As amazing as she was and is, we wouldn't have been right for each other long-term. I am content with the brief magic we created together, and have always kept her in my fond thoughts with gratitude and the wish for her to thrive. Now I invite you to do something comparable to what I just did, Gemini: Make peace with your past. Send blessings to the people who helped make you who you are. Celebrate what has actually happened in your life, and graduate forever from what might have happened but didn't.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): "You have two ways to live your life, from memory or from inspiration," writes teacher Joe Vitale. Many of you Cancerians favor memory over inspiration to provide their primary motivation. That's not necessarily a bad thing, although it can be a problem if you become so obsessed with memory that you distract yourself from creating new developments in your life story. But in accordance with astrological potentials and the exigencies of our Global Healing Crisis, I urge you, in the coming weeks, to mobilize yourself through a balance of memory and inspiration. I suspect you'll be getting rich opportunities to both rework the past and dream up a future full of interesting novelty. In fact, those two imperatives will serve each other well.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Author Anne Lamott has some crucial advice for you to heed in the coming weeks. "Even when we're most sure that love can't conquer all," she says, "it seems to anyway. It goes down into the rat hole with us, in the guise of our friends, and there it swells and comforts. It gives us second winds, third winds, hundredth winds." I hope you'll wield this truth as your secret magic in the coming weeks, Leo. Regard love not just as a sweet emotion that makes you feel good, but as a superpower that can accomplish practical miracles.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Theologian Saint Catherine of Siena observed, "To a brave person, good and bad luck are like her left and right hand. She uses both." The funny thing is, Virgo, that in the past you have sometimes been more adept and proactive in using your bad luck, and less skillful at capitalizing on your good luck. But from what I can tell, this curious problem has been diminishing for you in 2020 – and will continue to do so. I expect that in the coming weeks, you will welcome and harness your good luck with brisk artistry.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "I'm curious about everything, except what people have to say about me," says actor Sarah Jessica Parker. I think that's an excellent strategy for you to adopt in the coming weeks. On the one hand, the whole world will be exceptionally interesting, and your ability to learn valuable lessons and acquire useful information will be at peak. On the other hand, one of the keys to getting the most out of the wealth of catalytic influences will be to cultivate nonchalance about people's opinions of you.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): On the kids' TV show Sesame Street, there's a Muppet character named Count von Count. He's a friendly vampire who loves to count things. He is 6,523,730 years old and his favorite number is 34,969 – 187 squared. The Count was "born" on Nov. 13, 1972, when he made his first appearance on the show, which means he's a Scorpio. I propose we make him your patron saint for the next four weeks. It's an excellent time to transform any threatening qualities you might seem to have into harmless and cordial forms of expression. It's also a favorable phase for you to count your blessings and make plans that will contribute to your longevity.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "No one ever found wisdom without also being a fool," writes novelist Erica Jong. "Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great," says singer Cher. "He dares to be a fool, and that is the first step in the direction of wisdom," declared art critic James Huneker. "Almost all new ideas have a certain aspect of foolishness when they are first produced," observed philosopher Alfred North Whitehead. According to my analysis of astrological omens, you're primed to prove these theories, Sagittarius. Congratulations!
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "Few people have a treasure," writes Nobel Prize-winning author Alice Munro. She's speaking metaphorically, of course – not referring to a strongbox full of gold and jewels. But I'm happy to inform you that if you don't have a treasure, the coming months will be a favorable time to find or create it. So I'm putting you on a High Alert for Treasure. I urge you to be receptive to and hungry for it. And if you are one of those rare lucky ones who already has a treasure, I'm happy to say that you now have the power and motivation to appreciate it even more and learn how to make even better use of it. Whether you do or don't yet have the treasure, heed these further words from Alice Munro: "You must hang onto it. You must not let yourself be waylaid, and have it taken from you."
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): At this moment, there are 50 trillion cells in your body, and each of them is a sentient being in its own right. They act together as a community, consecrating you with their astonishing collaboration. It's like magic! Here's an amazing fact: Just as you communicate with dogs and cats and other animals, you can engage in dialogue with your cells. The coming weeks will be a ripe time to explore this phenomenon. Is there anything you'd like to say to the tiny creatures living in your stomach or lungs? Any information you'd love to receive from your heart or your sex organs? If you have trouble believing this is a real possibility, imagine and pretend. And have fun!
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "A myriad of modest delights constitutes happiness," wrote poet Charles Baudelaire. I think that definition will serve you well in the coming weeks, Pisces. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, there won't be spectacular breakthroughs barging into your life; I expect no sublime epiphanies or radiant transformations. On the other hand, there'll be a steady stream of small marvels if you're receptive to such a possibility. Here's key advice: Don't miss the small wonders because you're expecting and wishing for bigger splashes.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): During a pandemic, is it possible to spread the news about your talents and offerings? Yes! That's why I suggest you make sure that everyone who should know about you does indeed know about you. To mobilize your efforts and stimulate your imagination, I came up with 10 colorful titles for you to use to describe yourself on your résumé or in promotional materials or during conversations with potential helpers. 1) Fire-Maker, 2) Seed-Sower, 3) Brisk Instigator, 4) Hope Fiend, 5) Gap Leaper, 6) Fertility Aficionado, 7) Gleam Finder, 8) Launch Catalyst, 9) Chief Improviser and 10) Change Artist.
This story appears in the May 13, 2020, print edition of Orlando Weekly. Our small but mighty team is working tirelessly to bring you news on how coronavirus is affecting Central Florida. Please consider supporting this free publication with a one-time or monthly donation. Every little bit helps.